I've disappeared for a long while. I doubt I'll have a lot of time to come back and blog like I used to. A major event that happened since I last updated was my uncle (my mom's brother) having a heart attack and ending up in the CICU. It was a bad heart attack and he was kept in the CICU for about a week. He had a defibrillator put in to make sure it wouldn't happen again. I went to visit him in the hospital twice. It was the first time I had seen him or my cousins in about 4 or 5yrs. My uncle looks older, but maybe that was just from the whole hospital thing. My aunt also came down from upstate to visit him in the hospital. She looks much older and different. She used to have short salt and pepper hair, and how it's pulled back into a long white pony tail. Again, I hadn't seen her in years. My mom refused to go to the hospital to see my uncle because of all the bad blood they've had, and I kind of understand to a degree. It was nice to see my family and finally make a connection to the half I haven't seen in what feels like forever.
Another life-changing event has happened as well. Sometime around mid to late October, I will be expecting a baby. I am officially pregnant. Two positive tests, a couple weeks of morning sickness, tender breasts, and the whole nine yards later, I'm positively pregnant. I found out on March 9th. I'm unsure of how far along I am. The last time I had my period was my birthday (January 5th). I could be anywhere from 6-7 weeks, to 9-10 weeks. I've only told a handful of people and intend to keep it that way for as long as I can. I haven't even told my parents yet. I have an appointment with an OBGYN on April 1st. My mom and I are going together since we booked appointments right after each other. The appointment couldn't come at a better time. My mom has been very affectionate lately and I see this as being super comforting. Now is my time to tell her. I have to tell her before my appointment. I don't want to just blindside her with this. This is terrifying, but I have to do what I have to do. I'm going to finish this semester with 62 completed credits. That's enough to qualify me for the NYPD. I'm going to drop out of school for now, work and save money as much as I can (I've sent out numerous applications to anyplace local), and eventually pop around October/November. It sounds like my mom is getting a promotion type thing where she's going to be able to work from home. This is the biggest blessing I could have asked for. Of course I'm going to take care of the baby myself, but having my mom home as well would be amazing. She won't have to quit work and could still help me to some degree. I'm terrified at the aspect of being a mom. As crazy as it may sound, I'm already in love with the baby inside me. I haven't even seen it yet or heard it's heartbeat, but I know it's there. I'm trying to eat healthier for the baby, and do whatever I can to be the best mother I could be. This isn't what I wanted at the age of 19, but I have to deal with it. There is no turning back now. All I know is that all the puking, cramps, shortness of breath, exhaustion, constant trips to the bathroom, and stress will pay off when I see my baby's face.
I just wanted to let whatever readers I happen to have left know about what was going on and why I pulled a bit of a disappearing act. I'll try to keep up as much as possible, but stressed can't quite describe what I'm going through right now. I will definitely try to deliver on posts and updates. I can promise that much. Wish me luck and send me some much need positivity.
