43:12

Getting adjusted to the new school hasn't been very difficult so far. I'm getting to know the basic layout of the campus and where buildings are. I know my way around the library now and can manage the dining hall. Though, I'm still not into the socialization just yet. It's a huge campus so I pass a lot of people during my time there. Some of them I can tell I'd be good friends with judging on what they're wearing or how they carry themselves. But I'm much too reserved to actually talk to people. I only speak when spoken to, or if forced to do some kind of group discussion. Overall, I'm enjoying this experience. The classes are higher levels than I'm used to coming from a community college, but it's refreshing. People use larger words in longer sentences about more complex thoughts, and I love it.
I was leaving the library after dark a few days ago after spending a couple hours studying and doing some work. I like to listen to classical music when reading so I had my headphones in listening to one of my favorite pieces - The Firebird, composed by Igor Stravinsky. I walked by the security checkpoint and through the lobby. As I opened the door to the outside world I felt a crisp breeze on my face and the finale of Firebird was playing in perfect harmony to my opening the door. It was a literal breath of fresh air that seemed to hit me all at once. It was just a very powerful feeling that radiated from within my chest. I felt good. I felt motivated. I felt like this is truly where my life was leading me. My grandmother walked the steps of this library. My Great Uncle walked the steps of this library. My mother walked the steps of this library. And I am now walking the steps of this library. I don't regret where I've been and the lessons I've learned since I graduated high school. If I would have come straight to this college, I would have missed out on so many great memories and adventures. I don't want to ever forget where I've been, but I truly feel this is where I belong. Every time I look out onto the quad, I can picture my mother playing frisbee with her friends. I can see my grandmother rushing to classes. I can see my Great Uncle making his way to the library to do research in his rented carrel. It makes me smile thinking about the history that campus has for my family, and now what is has to offer me. Life works in funny ways, I suppose.

The King's Astronomy

I had my first day of classes earlier this week and I was nervous as hell. I didn't want to admit it, but it was a totally new environment for me. It was a little intimidating getting used to the large campus and many many different buildings in which I had my classes. I finished my first full week today and I can honestly say I've enjoyed it. I don't know why, but I just feel at home there. It's like that school is where I'm meant to be. Something about the campus and the professors and the students. Everybody on campus seems so nice and friendly. At my first college, it was more like a high school. It was very clique-y with a small student body and limited groups. Then I went to a bigger college with a real campus, but it didn't have the best people or extra student groups to be interested in. Now the campus I'm a part of is teeming with student life and groups and gatherings. I'm not a social person really at all in my daily life. I don't speak unless spoken to, and even then I don't say very much. I've always kept to myself and didn't mind at all. But hearing my mom's stories about when she went to the college and all of the memories she made makes me want to possibly branch out. She's being persistent with telling me to make friends. It almost sounds like someone trying to socialize an animal the right way. Socializing has never been my thing - I'm just bad at it. I don't know how to (appropriately) respond to things people say me, and even if I try I end up rambling and not making much sense. I save myself the headache and use music or homework to occupy my free time on campus instead of attempting (and failing) to make friends. My usual train of thought is that I have better things to do than pointlessly socializing with people that will bear no significance in my life. It sounds very cold, but it's true. However, I'm second guessing that thought that I've lived by for many years. Maybe it'll feel good to make friends. Maybe I'll find some odd club on campus where I'll meet people I'll be friends with for life - or at least until I graduate. It's a little bit of an internal struggle at the moment. Most other people wouldn't see socializing as being such a big deal, but to me it is. When you've been guarded and overly cautious for so long, it's hard to face the possibility of letting new people into your world.