God Only Knows

Being home hasn't been fun. The weather is cold and rainy, and I've had to refocus my mind on work and school. I can no longer wake up and lazily read in my hammock. I wake up to my alarm alerting me that yet another dreaded day has begun. I have my first sun spot on my right forearm that I got while away on vacation. Now I look at that and think back to all the adventures and cool things I saw. It was all completely worth the sun damage. My tan has surprisingly stuck around, which shocked pretty much everyone. My legs are decently tanned instead of the pale ghostly white they usually are.
I've officially applied for a graduate program beginning in the fall. I was very late with my applications because of a professor who screwed me over for a letter of recommendation. Only one program was still open for admission so I applied. Now it is the waiting game. Tomorrow I have a phone interview with a prominent hospital in the city. They seem interested in taking me on for a research position, so I am excited for the interview.
By way of my personal life things haven't changed very much. I went to therapy with my parents and it got heated. Not much was solved, but we agreed to meet back again soon. My parents are both pushing me very hard with graduate school and finding a full time job. It's hard to enjoy life and hang out with my friends when I feel so pressured all the time. I worked my entire way through college, sometimes even working multiple jobs. I maintained my full time status as a student while working those jobs and keeping my GPA up. I would like to think I deserve some time to breathe. I spent a night at Josh's last week and it was a much needed mental break. We ordered pizza and got high and hung out all night. We made mac n cheese around midnight then eventually went to bed at some point. We slept in the same bed just like we used to do when we dated. Having someone to snuggle with is always a really nice feeling. Even though it was just one night I very much enjoyed the time away from home and my normal life. On my travel home I ended up seeing Leo for about an hour and we commuted together. It was a very pleasant surprise. I've felt in a pretty good headspace since then. I'm trying to be less harsh on myself and allow myself to enjoy things more. I spoiled myself earlier today and bought a cute resin cat online that has pretty rainbow flecks in it along with actual marijuana buds. It fits my aesthetic perfectly and I figured it was a good opportunity to show some self love. Seth also surprised me with a very plush and cozy dinosaur onesie. Dinosaurs are a running theme in our relationship, so it was a very sweet and thoughtful gift. He told me one of the first times he truly felt he loved me was when he read me The Sound of Thunder by Ray Bradbury as we sat under "our tree" on campus. (I highly recommend it if you're looking for an compelling quick read)
In other somewhat personal news, I got a mysterious package in the mail last weekend. It was a dress that I had not ordered. None of my friends or family sent it to me, and I'm unsure of where it came from. It makes me somewhat uneasy that someone is willing to send things to my home. I have had multiple people act "creepy" towards me before, and I'm unsure as to if this package is from one of those people. It is unsettling that someone feels as if it's ok to cross those boundaries. Nothing was inside the package to indicate who or where it came from other than the Amazon envelope. Needless to say, I am on guard and even more stressed because of it. The package may have been intended as a nice gesture, but it is just the opposite. It leaves me wondering not just who sent it, but why?