Kevin

Sunday morning, I worked an early shift. It was just Bob and I for the first hour. It went well, and we seem to be bonding more and more. Once Jena came, the day improved even more. Jena and I have become Bob's favorites. I decided to finally loosen up completely around Bob for the first time. It felt good. I said what came to mind and cursed a lot more than usual. Bob was laughing the whole time and mocking Jena and I. Work has finally become more of a pleasure than a chore. I still have to deal with shitty customers and a sometimes annoying boss, but it's worth it. I basically get paid for hanging out and having fun. However, during all the laughing and talking, my shoulder/neck began to really act up. I had a few bad muscle spasms and it ached. There was nothing I could do but to keep working and stop thinking about it. Kevin came and we continued to all have a good time.
I really am taking a liking to Kevin. He's a really sweet guy, and I feel like I can loosen up around him. I like picking on him and busting his balls, but he doesn't mind. He isn't a replacement for Billy, but he is certainly gaining respect in the shoppe. He works harder than most of the others and refuses to take a break sometimes. His mom went to the hospital on Sunday (it ended up being nothing major, but he didn't know at the time). Kevin felt bad about asking to leave work to see what was going on at the hospital. He didn't want to leave, but we pushed him out and urged him to go. I worked with Kevin again today for a few hours solo. I enjoy working with him. I've only known him a few short months, but I feel a weird connection. I feel like I can trust him. I'm thinking about maybe telling him this whole situation with Leo and explaining pretty much everything to him. I want a guy's opinion who isn't biased. His love life hasn't exactly been a walk in the park either, so I'm hoping maybe he can relate to some of my struggles. Who knows. Should I really trust him with all of this? He'll be the first real person to actually maybe know the whole story of Bambi, Leo, and I. I'm nervous about exposing myself and my personal life, but sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone.

Exchange

I went over to Bambi's house today and saw his family. They all welcomed me and loved the oreo cheesecake I made. A little mushy, but really not bad. Antonio and I traded gifts first. He got a pair of adorable Pikachu slippers. They're so warm and cozy. I got him a shirt and his Warped Tour ticket. He enjoyed my hand-drawn ticket since the real ones haven't been delivered yet. Bambi likes his assortment of little things, and appreciated the drawing of the ticket for him as well. When I opened my gifts from Bambi, I wasn't so surprised. He had gotten me everything and more. Stuffed animals, perfume, candy, a scarf, and a 3DS with games. He had let it slip a few weeks ago that he might have gotten it for me, so it wasn't a total surprise. I loved it nonetheless. It's purple, my favorite color. He got me Animal Crossing, Zelda: Link Between Worlds, and Pokemon X. I thanked him and opened my 3DS. We set it up together and ate lunch. We talked and played games together till I had to leave. I miss him already, and it hasn't been more than a few hours since I last saw him. Being with him really does make me happy. Just watching him practice some rifts on the guitar and playing video games is enough to make me smile.
I've been thinking more about the Leo issue. I do want to reach out to him. But I don't want bad stuff happening again. I'm not sure. I think I may wait until after New Year's and decide then. I don't want to make a rash decision and ruin anything. I'll just think and continue on with life. I guess.

Damned If I Do

Christmas has passed. I meant to post a little more frequently than I did, but oh well. The festivities were pretty much the same. Christmas Eve, my aunt, her boyfriend, and one of my cousins came over. We ate and drank and laughed and talked. I had a glass of wine with them and took part in some of the political discussion. Am I growing up? On Christmas, I was woken up early and we opened gifts. I got the newest iPod (technically a VERY late graduation gift), a domo blanket, an upgrade on my OneRepublic tickets, Newton's Cradle, fuzzy socks/booties and other small gifts. Nothing really took my breath away, but it was fun nonetheless. The day after, I went into the city with my dad and brother. It's a family tradition. We always go into the city the day after Christmas, look at the window displays, see the tree, and (most importantly) shop for discount Christmas ornaments at Lord & Taylor. We always pick up a few ornaments as a way to remember that year and our adventure into the city. It's a nice tradition, and I don't think I want to stop it any time soon. Today I visited the elderly man Mr. Caster. I brought cookies and we watched a movie. It was nice, and fun. I went home and baked a batch of oreo cheesecake squares for Bambi's family. I'm going over to his house tomorrow to exchange gifts so I figured I would bring his parents/grandparents something as well.
There's been an issue weighing on my mind. I wasn't happy about Adri and Leo dating. I wasn't happy in the least. But I spoke with Adri today and she seems to really like him. As Bambi told me, it isn't my place to tell her who she can and can't date. Adri asked for relationship advice and opinions on Leo. I gave her my help and hoped it was good enough. I thought about it for a bit, and I feel like I should reach out to him. I already wrote a draft of what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. Opening lines of communication could prove positive, but also negative. I'm unsure of what to do. I don't want to talk to him as a friend, but just as Adri's protector. I want to explain to him that he needs to take care of her and make sure this is something he wants to do. This is what I have so far:
Hey. I know we haven't talked in a while. I'm not coming back to fix what happened. What's done is done. It is in the past, and cannot be repaired. I just wanted to message you about Adrianna. I've caught wind of your relationship. To my surprise, and I'm sure yours as well, [Bambi] is more supportive of you two than I am. I don't think she's ready for a serious relationship, and I know what kind of mindset you must be in. The last thing I want is for her to get hurt. When I found out about your relationship with her, I was close to coming to your house and confronting you. [Bambi] actually stopped me and defended you. It isn't my place to tell her who she can and cannot date. This is true. I was talking to Adrianna just yesterday about you and her. She likes you. A lot. If you don't intend this to be a serious relationship, then stop it now. If you truly do like her, then tread lightly. I'll be watching. 
Is it too much? Is it threatening? I don't want to sound hostile. The last thing anyone wants is for shit to be stirred up. I have 3 options. 1) Send this message, and hope he listens. 2) Tell him to meet me in person so we can talk and figure it out face to face. 3) Not do anything and stay away from the situation. I'm not sure what I need to do. I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

Happy Holidays

What is there to say? So many things have happened since the last post. Where do I even begin?..
First, let's do an overview of today at work. Work was easy and fun. 12-4. I got there and as soon as I walk in, Matt pulls me toward him and starts to do a weird dance type thing. I smiled and asked him if this was a morning ritual he was doing to greet me. He said he needs to do weird stuff like that to me or I never pay attention to him. I rolled my eyes, smiled, and put my apron on. Jeff was there all day, and even kept us there an hour late. We're being paid for it, but still. Kevin and I bonded a little more. We make a good team. Joe and I also got to know each other better. He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he's a good guy. Eventually, we closed and I headed home.
When we got home, there was mail. My mom shuffled through it, but stopped at a letter. She looked at it, got visually upset, and threw it down. It was from my uncle (her brother). Back when my Nana (my mom's mom) and Uncle B (my mom's uncle) died, my uncle became a bitch. My mother was trusted with POA (Power of Attorney) over everything in their apartment their financial holdings. She did as Uncle B wanted and split everything between my mom, my uncle, and my aunt. My uncle was greedy and wanted more. He wanted to sell a piano that Uncle B had in the apartment. Uncle B specifically said he wanted it donated to a performing arts school in Manhattan. My mom did as Uncle B wanted and donated it. My uncle was happy and decided to actually try and sue my mom for the money that the piano was worth. That was only one incident. There were many many more of those ridiculous and hurtful moments where family became an enemy. I can't remember the last time I saw him or his daughters. It's been years. I used to miss him because my family grew up so close and happy. Seeing how broken my family is now is so painful. But anyway, that's what happened. My mom saw his letter, and got angry. After all of the fights he's picked and damage he's caused, he doesn't want to be alone this Christmas. He got divorced for what has to be the 4th or 5th time and his ex wife gets the kids on Christmas. So he's alone this year, and looking for somewhere to go. He isn't welcome here. You can't shun family and treat them like crap, then expect them to embrace you when you decide the timing is good for you. Love is a 2-way street. Seeing my mom react to that letter and be so upset really rattled me. It brought back so many memories of the family getting together for Easter or Thanksgiving or Christmas. All of the cousins sitting and playing and joking around. The adults talking and laughing at the table. That's how a family should be. Not a broken up mess like mine is.
Out of curiosity, I've been reading Leo's blog as of late. I want to see what he's up to and how he's feeling. I found out he has a thing with Adri. They kiss. Apparently whenever he wants. She really like him, and he really likes her. I don't mind him going out with someone, it would probably be for his own good, but NOT Adri. Anyone but Adri. Bambi spoke to Adri and told her about how stalker-ish Leo can be, and how obsessive he can become. She doesn't seem to care. Well I do. I won't let Adri be hurt and pulled into Leo's fucked up life and messy relationships. As I told Bambi, if I ever see them together, I will personally punch him into next month. I won't stand for him poisoning her. When I was her age, I went out with a bad person and hung out with the wrong crowd. Zack was a drinker who loved to smoke weed. He was bad for me, but I was convinced he was THE ONE. I thought he was such a sweetie and that he was perfect. He was far from. Zack dumped me after 6 months because I wouldn't have sex with him. He kept me only for my body. I'm afraid that Adri may just be caught up in what she thinks may be some sort of infantile love. It made me furious to read Leo's blog. How he spoke about her disgusted me. "She changed into normal clothes and oh boy, she is attractive. She has hips, and being latino, she does rock a nice butt and a decent chest. She is slim and pretty too." Yea. That pissed me off VERY much. I wanted to reach through my screen and strangle him. Leo, if you're reading this, you're disgusting. You know I care about her, and so does Bambi. Cut this shit out. Touch her again, and I will have your testicles next to my bed in a pickle jar. Go try to get in someone else's pants.

Native

Yesterday, I went out with Kyle. We looked around some thrift store kinda places and just talked. I met his roommate, Kenny. He's really cool. I've been wanting to meet him for months. I also met his other school friend Victoria. She's pretty cool too. She's really chill and funny. Kyle, Victoria, and I went to eat at a burger place by his dorm. It was pretty good. After that, Victoria left and Kyle and I went to see the movie. It was rated R, so you need to prove you're 18 to get in. I don't have a state issued ID, so I can't prove my age to them. They refused to let me in. The didn't accept my college ID, nor my older high school ID with my DoB on it. Kyle called Victoria and she took my place at the movie. I was so upset. I had been looking forward to seeing that movie with Kyle, but of course not. My mom refuses to bring me to the DMV for anything other than my permit. My dad doesn't want me getting a permit, and won't take me to get a non-driver ID. So even though I can legally see rated R movies, I can't prove that. I wandered the streets of NYC looking for a subway station. After some walking and aimless wandering, I found it. I took the subway home and my parents both asked how the movie was. I told them I couldn't get in, and my mom got angry at my dad. She wants me to get my permit, and I want it too. But my dad is the one who thinks it's a bad idea. Until someone decides who is taking to the DMV, I'm screwed. I can't go on dates to see rated R movies. I feel like a child. Even when I was younger than 17, I was able to get into movies without being asked for ID. Yet, this IDing bullshit happened twice in the last 6 months. 2/3 times I went to see a movie, I couldn't go. Awesome. It's really frustrating. My parents need to get their shit together.
I came home disappointed and angry. Kyle was enjoying the movie, while I sat at home doing nothing. I wanted to cry and hit something. I don't know why I got so angry and upset, but I did. My parents went out soon after I got home and so I just watched TV till the xbox was available. I played xbox for a while till I got stuck on a mission and gave up. Last night before I went to bed, I ordered 3 Warped Tour tickets for Bambi, Antonio, and I. They won't be here for a couple weeks, but it was the last part of their xmas gifts. I also went online this morning to get tickets to the OneRepublic Native Tour happening in NY out by Jones Beach. The server was slow when everything went on sale, and the cheapest tickets I could find were $65 each. Nope. Not worth it. I was disappointed, went back to bed and gave up. I woke up and decided to maybe try again. Luck was in my favor. I found a bunch of cheaper tickets at $34 each. It was a little more than I wanted to spend, but oh well. I'm officially going to see OneRepublic, and I am thrilled. Bambi wants to come, and so does Kyle. I know Bambi will get upset if I tell him I want to bring Kyle, so I'll just leave it alone. I mentioned the tickets to Kyle and he seemed actually interested in going. Bambi is just going for me, Kyle wants to go for the music. I would rather see Kyle go, because I feel like it's a wasted ticket if Bambi comes. You know? He won't enjoy the music as much as Kyle would. Whatever. Nothing I can do.

Don't You Worry About a Thing

Finals are FINALLY over. I'm confident that I did alright. I already know I got a 104.36 on my Psych final. I'm most nervous about music and math. Grades are being released tomorrow, but that isn't stopping me from checking online every half-hour.
Once I was done with finals, it was a relief. I had nothing to do. Nothing to worry about. It isn't like high school where the teachers would assign reading or homework over break. I have literally nothing to do, and it feel fabulous. Yesterday was my first day off and I visited Mr. Caster (the elderly man I'm volunteering with) for the first time solo. I actually enjoyed myself. We watched a documentary about MGM studios which was incredibly interesting. Then we watching an older film called City for Conquest. It was a love story of sorts. The night before I visited Mr. Caster, Bambi and I got into a fight. He pretty much picked a fight with me (which is what really set me off). I want to go to a OneRepublic concert and asked if he wanted to come with me. I told him to take his time deciding and in the mean time I would buy 2 tickets. He said if he ever goes to a concert, he doesn't want me coming. It was just mean. I'm not really into his type of music, but I've been trying to explore it more and understand it. I guess he just doesn't appreciate my efforts. So we argued for a bit, then I gave up. Jojoe hit me up and it was actually something I actually needed. I told him about the argument and he said it was stupid. He doesn't like Bambi. He thinks I can do better (he's taken right now, so he isn't trying to seduce me or something). We talked for a bit, then he sent a couple texts that almost had me in tears.

ME: I don't know what my next move is. But whatever I do, your opinion and help is very much appreciated. There's no one else to talk to or who's willing to talk.
JOJOE: I'm here. Don't you worry about a thing.
ME: You have no idea how much that means to me. I've lost so much over the past year. It's nice to have a stable element and a voice of reason.
(he then sent me a quote)
JOJOE: Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. I got you.

Those few texts made me feel like it was going to be ok. They made me smile and feel loved. Like someone actually cared. Jojoe and I have had a rocky relationship during the past year, but he's still sticking with me. I do love him. I don't have anyone else to really talk to about his stuff. I won't bother him too much with my bullshit, but getting an outside opinion can be useful. I also asked him if I could mention him in my blog. I kept forgetting to do that. He agreed, but doesn't want his real name used. Jojoe isn't his real name, so I think I'm safe. Either way, I hope he and I don't fall out again.
Today I'm meeting Kyle in the city a little after 3pm. We're going thrift store shopping, out to lunch, then seeing a movie. I can't wait to see him and just hang out. I wanna have fun and not worry. He said some friends may come along. I wouldn't mind too much, as long as I get along with them. It's still early for me to be up. I have at least another hour till I have to get ready. I like being able to breathe.

Study Bug

Well, I was off from work on Saturday. I wanted to just sleep and watch anime, but of course not. My mom insisted I clean my room. Fine. I folded laundry and started to vacuum and organize. I went downstairs for a food break and she captured me. She wanted me to watch TV with her. She had been feeling sick the last few days, so I gave in. We watched TV and made small talk. I still hasn't happy with her. Dinner came, and then I had work early the next morning at 7am. I went right to sleep (or tried to).
The next morning at work was easy. Bob is being very nice to me, and I got to work with Jena and Kevin, whom I like a lot. I'm actually starting to kinda enjoy work. I find it fun when I work with people I like. Even the customers seem to have a better attitude. I wonder if maybe I'm the one with the better attitude, and not them..
Today I had my first 'real' final. I studied a bit and did some extra credit work for it on the side. I waited for my prof to grade it and I got a 104.36. Not too shabby if you ask me. After the test, I was relieved and happy. Jess and I hung out a bit, then she left and I found Elijah. We ran some errands around school then left. We talked on the train home and traded stories about anime. I really do like Elijah. Tomorrow I have my last 2 finals. Math then Music. Math is what I'm most concerned about, but music is no bargain either. For music, I need to be able to identify and explain 10 different classical songs from the Romantic Period. The composers include Chopin, Mozart, and Beethoven. It's so hard to be able to tell the differences between the songs and remember who wrote which one. Ugh. I've been listening to the same 10 songs on shuffle all of yesterday and most of today. I STILL don't have them done. I've also been reviewing my math. I've never been in math, but after reviewing and watching a few videos, I think I'm kinda prepared. Kinda. I think I may just need sleep. With a decent amount of sleep, I can remember things easier and focus better. Now if only I can convince my body to sleep..

On a side note..
I've been thinking of Leo since I saw him on Friday. Part of me is actually starting to miss him. I feel bad for what I did, but I just can't handle to bullshit. You know? I saw the look in his eyes when he passed me the second time. He looked dead. Lifeless. Nothing. It was so unlike him. I've been 100% feeling better, and I find myself being more open with Bambi. However, I'm still kinda second guessing my choice. Should I have snapped like that and left him? I'm not sure. But the deed is done. He is angry and upset and hurt. Even if I do go back, nothing good will come of it. An outside opinion would be awesome. Any advice?