Lycka

I've felt a lot like writing lately. Maybe it's because I'm feeling inspired, or because there's just a lot going on. A couple days age I went to a drive-by parade for Josh's law school graduation. He's been down about it for a while since the official ceremony has been cancelled given the current state of things. I took Leo with me and we had a good time on our little road trip. We arrived just early enough to decorate my car with balloons and write some things on the side. It was nice seeing familiar faces out there. His sister is pregnant again and it's the first time I've seen her since they found out. I also saw the little munchkins I refer to as my own nephews since that's how I truly feel about them. Even after Josh and I broke up they still call me their aunt. Soon I'll have a brand new baby nephew and I'm excited. After the parade we pulled over and I talked to Josh for a bit, hugged, then left with Leo. He and I stopped by a Sonic and bought copious amounts of unhealthy food and ice cream. We sat there just eating and talking and enjoying the time we had together. After we were done we hit the road and headed home. Over all it was a very nice time and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
The reality of being an adult is also starting to settle in. It just hit me the other day that I actually own a vehicle of my own. It's mine and no one else's. I pay the insurance, gas, maintenance, and loan payments. My last loan payment was $1.4k and I want to keep throwing money at it until I'm finished. My goal is to be completely done with it by the end of this year. It's going to require some hustling but I think I can do it if I work hard enough. Another event that makes me feel more "mature" is officially getting enrolled in graduate classes. I have my official schedule for the upcoming semester and couldn't be happier. I'm excited to be around like-minded people who are in school to better themselves and further their educations. My research coordinator at the lab forwarded me some of her slides and notes from the classes she took since we're both in the same program, but at different times. I also found out that my parents have been continuously putting money in my college fund, unbeknownst to me. That means that all of my MA will be covered, and some of my PhD as well. I feel extremely lucky as to not have debt right out of college. I know how fortunate I am and don't intend on wasting time like I did in undergrad. Everything feels like it's finally coming together. All the bumps in the road and hoops I had to jump through finally added up to something tangible. Now it's time to just focus on the road ahead of me and live my life to the fullest (once this quarantine mess is over).

I think I'm going to put more music this time. I have an overflow of songs on layaway so why not give a few bonus songs this time? All of the songs I leave in my posts are ones that I genuinely like or relate to, and I hope you feel the same way.

Tired

Banana Pancakes

Get You Right

Young Love

Always

Blueprint

Paradise

Cradles

Dear Maria, Count Me In

All Alright

True Neutral

I've been in a good mood lately. I'm thinking it's because of the social interactions I've had recently. I never thought a social distancing hang out would be fun or appealing. I see Seth once a week now if weather permits, which is always a nice time. It was a perfect day yesterday and we spent the day walking and talking and partially fooling around with a remote toy. I'll spare the details. I've also been putting in more effort to see Leo. He and I are seeing each other in a few days for a drive-by parade that I'm hoping will be fun. We'll probably be together for at least a few hours so I'm sure we'll have time to laugh and talk like we always do. Life is so different now, but I'm beginning to cope.

In other news, my work life has picked up. I've taken over the research lab's website and became an admin for our social medias. The website was the most difficult to get used to since it requires knowledge of computer coding. I spent a couple days poking around the site and got myself familiar enough with it where I could actually edit the code myself. I still don't know much, but at least I know the basics of web design and computer coding. I have no idea when/if those skills will ever be helpful, but learning a new skillset gives you an advantage over others, so why not? At my full time analytics job they tried to play me and take advantage of me. My company works with many clients and we each have our respective "projects". I personally have 2 clients which I share with 2 respective teams. I make a small amount over minimum wage, but barely. They tried to give me a new client who is notoriously one of the worst we have (we have 200+ clients) and not even tell me about it personally. So I demanded a meeting with the president of operations to ask him what his problem was. He said that everyone in the office fights over me because I'm good at my job and that's why they want me so badly with this client. They know I can learn quickly and adapt to any changes they might throw our way. While it was nice to hear him compliment me, I knew he was just trying to sweet talk me into not questioning it further. I told him I would take the new client if I got a decent raise. He said he didn't have the authority to do that, so I told him I wouldn't do it otherwise. I knew he was in a bad position because he either needed to retract from my name from the client (which reflects terribly on our company) or somehow get me a raise. Less than an hour later I was informed that I'm approved for a raise. The raise is significant enough where it'll give me $150+ per month, which I'm satisfied with. This is the second raise I've gotten in the last 4 months so clearly I'm doing something right. I try not to involve political things here, but I have to call out the "wage gap" for a second. I wanted more money so I worked for it. I didn't compare myself to anyone else and cried in the corner when I didn't stack up. I worked hard and I took what was rightfully mine. I had the balls to get a meeting with the president of operations for an international company, call him out for his unprofessionalism, and demand a raise. And guess what. It worked. There will always be exceptions to the rule, but if you as a female are making less than someone else doing the same job it's your responsibility to change it. If you don't have the confidence and perseverance to change your situation then that's a personal problem. I know what my time and energy is worth, and it certainly isn't minimum wage. I have 0 pity for the whiny females out there. Buck up or leave.

Some songs for the soul include the following. I'm still deciding on if I should group music by themes or just randomly sprinkle things around. I kind of like the music roulette game of just dropping 5 totally different songs. Will it be happy, angry, sad, hardcore, or country? Variety is the spice of life.

Me and Mr. Jones

Nervous

Cheeseburger in Paradise

Medicine

Think About Things

Red Hook

Last night I saw Leo again. We were intending to just drive around and hang out since we enjoyed it so much last weekend. It was my turn to drive so I finished work and picked him up. He had a conference call with some people so he was talking to them for the first hour and a half or so. It was funny listening to it, so I didn't mind. I was driving aimlessly listening to the conference call and talking to him when he had his mic muted. Eventually the call ended and we drove on aimlessly. We ended up by Seth's house completely by accident. As soon as I realized where we were I tried to avoid his house because it would feel odd driving by being so close to him, without him even knowing. But we talked and laughed and completely lost track of time. He and I are both pretty positive that we've gotten the virus already so that's why we're so lax with each other. I told him to put on some music so he was looking through my expansive library of music and putting on whatever he thought would be good/interesting. It was an eclectic mix of everything, but it somehow worked as good background music. At one point I turned the volume all the up and we were both belting out a song at the top of our lungs just living in the moment. Before we knew it it was midnight. We grabbed some pizza at a locally famous pizzeria and ate in my car. We talked about all sorts of things and enjoyed each other's company, as we always do. Eventually I dropped him off and headed home myself. I wasn't intending on being out so late, but time really does fly when you're having fun. It was a little past 1am when I finally got home and I was feeling the happiest I had felt in a while. It felt amazing to not have to be home at a certain time or under some other kind of constraints. I'd like it to be a more regular thing since it's so difficult to meet up when life is normal. We both have multiple jobs and work opposite schedules so finding time is nearly impossible. He really is one of my best friends and I miss him so much when we go such a long time without seeing each other. I hope that once things are normal again we can maybe continue these drives long into the night. He's protective and loves me, so I know he wouldn't put me in any compromising positions if we ended up somewhere sketchy or we got into an accident. He's one of the very few people I trust wholeheartedly. It was a nice night and a fun time with someone I hold dear. I just hope we can continue the tradition once this is all over.

Here are some of the songs that were played during our drive. Some of them we both screeched along to at the top of our lungs. Hopefully someone out there enjoys them as much as did.

One Day More

RICHMAN

Jack and Diane

Pull Me Deep

Shoots and Ladders

Mask Off

The last few days have been amazing. I've been working with the head of the graduate department on getting me registered for my first graduate classes. It's starting to sink in a little more that I'm not just daydreaming about getting in or saying things like "When I get into grad school...". I saw Seth on Saturday and it was great. We kept our distance in accordance with the CDC and all that jazz, but it was nice just to see him. We walked around his local park for a bit and it was nice. He lives in a "rich"-er area than most so his neighborhood isn't crowded and the park is always perfect. After getting tired of walking we headed back to his house where we sat in his nice backyard talking. A close family friend of his ended up dropping by and we all sat in the yard talking. She's like his second mother and is incredibly smart. She's a doctor who teaches medicine for a prestigious school and has her own research lab conducting every kind of study you can imagine. When Seth brought up the fact that I got into graduate school she was very happy for me. It was an odd experience discussing graduate school in such a way that was actually tangible instead of just a thought or wishful thinking. We decided that I needed to come over and visit more often, so I'll hopefully do just that.
The next day I had an impromptu meeting with Leo. I hadn't seen him since September so we decided to meet at a park by his house. We walked around for about an hour and a half but got sick of the crowds. He had bought a car just a matter of weeks ago so he showed me the car and we decided to go for a ride. I know the rule is 6ft with masks on, but we put the windows down and took our masks off. We talked and laughed and poked fun at each other like we always do. He's one of those people where even though you don't see them for months at a time you can pick up right where you left off as if nothing happened. We talked a lot about his new job. He's an engineer so he decided that the regular 9-to-5 wasn't for him. He works on a rig over the border in a different state. He seems to love it and genuinely enjoy it. He's also taken up work as volunteer EMS. He's had training in many areas throughout his life so it doesn't surprise me that he wants to implement that training when it's needed. He's in the middle of completing all of his certifications but he's actively working shifts on his ambulance. It worries me that he's out there potentially being exposed to lord knows what, but it's fulfilling for him and seems to make him happy. I know it probably wasn't the smartest decision to ride in a car with him without wearing a mask, but I just needed to feel normal for a bit. Just cruising around feeling the sun on my face and breeze through my hair while laughing and letting go for a little while. We decided that we should try to make more time for each other because we miss kicking around together. We were only together for about 4 hours, but it was a great 4 hours.
Being with Leo also brought some feelings to the surface. As we were talking about our jobs and lives in general it hit me that we're adults, which is horrifying. We have cars, work full time jobs, and get annoyed at the sight of high school kids. He holds the title of an EMS first responder as well as an engineer on a large vessel. I have the title of an analytics consultant along with being a research assistant at a developmental neuropsychology lab as well as a biologically based psychosocial lab at a hospital. Anyone hearing those job titles would think we were adults. In the grand scheme of things I suppose I am an adult, but I definitely don't feel like it. I'm just now learning how to make spaghetti and meatballs. I ordered a harness for my cat so I could walk her outside like a dog. I sleep with stuffed animals every night. I thoroughly enjoy anime conventions. I keep a small stock pile of candy in my car. So much about me is questionable in the sense of being an adult. I'm turning 25 next year and that's going to be a rude awakening.

I think I'm going to continue to throw some music at the end of my posts - most likely only 5 at a time to really digest all of them. I feel like it's a good way to maybe introduce you to something/someone you've never heard before. Maybe it'll inspire you or motivate you to do something. I've always found music to be powerful, and hopefully you do too. As always, I'll recommend headphones and/or a quiet place to truly focus on the music.

Suzanne

Father Ocean

All Love

Show Me Love

Ashes of Eden