Sunday, July 26, 2020

Black Pearl

Things are starting to feel more real for me. I met my graduate school cohort this week and it was nice. It was a video call orientation including 3 professors/doctors with whom we'll be working for the duration of our MA's. My cohort consists of about 20 other people. Not many of us spoke, but there was an ongoing chat during the meeting where we could ask questions. At the end of the call someone from my cohort put her email in the chat and told people to email her our numbers so we could establish a big group chat. I emailed her immediately and was added to the chat shortly thereafter. I was the first one, but there are about 4 or 5 of us total now. We talked briefly about what classes we're each taking and if people would be interested in a hang out. It was nice getting to talk to people who are in the same boat. We're all new to graduate school and are pretty anxious and nervous about it. I'm looking forward to getting to know them more and working closely when classes start. Talking to them also brought up the thought of how lucky I was to be in this pool of people. I was selected for a specialized MA program at a very respected school. I'm one of only 20 people in my cohort. Graduate schools are so competitive and difficult to get into, which I've learned first hand by being rejected twice already. The fact that I was chosen out of hundreds and hundreds of applicants is insane. I'm positive that I didn't have the highest scores or super competitive grades. Yet, they chose me. It's just an odd realization to have hit you so suddenly.
I got my nails done today for the first time since going into quarantine. I was ordered to medically quarantine before my city got shut down, so by the time my quarantine was over the city's quarantine was just beginning. That was March 11th. I'll never forget that date because it's the last date that my life was normal. The last time I wore my work security ID around my neck. The last time I struggled to find parking at my office.
The last time I stopped by Seth's work (which is only 10 minutes from my office). The last time I grabbed an iced coffee on my lunch break. The last time I saw most of my coworkers. Now everything is different. My only means of communication with my coworkers is through our internal chat systems. Laughing emojis and stupid client stories are different when you're typing it out. Normally we would send IM's then look at each other across the cubicles and laugh together. It's sad, and I miss them a lot. I guess what I'm trying to say is that getting my nails done made me feel a fleeting sense if normalcy. I was able to pick a sparkly girly color and talk to my nail tech and listen to the ladies gossip. It was comforting. I can't stop looking at my nails because I'm so accustomed to them being naked. Now they're blue, they're shiny, and they're extra sparkly. Sometimes all it takes is something stupid like a pretty manicure to motivate someone to keep going and hold out hope.

Here's the beloved music section. I always recommend headphones because my personal favorite is to let myself disappear into the music. You block everything out and just focus on the music and the feelings it brings you.















Sunday, July 19, 2020

Imminent Horizons

The last few weeks have been an adventure. The construction is finally over and we couldn't be more excited. I'm hoping to be moved in to my own room again by next weekend. I'm very much looking forward to and having some privacy some smoke and chill at the end of the day and sleeping in a bed at night. The new space is going to be bigger and have more solitude, which is something I've wanted for years. It's going to take a while until it'll be able to be painted and decorated how I would like it, but for now I'm just grateful to have a bedroom of my own.
My work life is thriving since I started working with a new client at my full time job. The company holds weekly competitions to see who is the most productive. It's pretty much just a ploy to get us to work harder for that period of time, but I like being an overachiever so I've made sure to place top 5 in the entire company, and top 3 in my office. The client is pleased with my performance and so are my bosses. I was invited to a company-wide operations meeting to congratulate me on the achievement. As an analyst, quality and accuracy make up a lot of my job. The company aims to have all of us at 90% accuracy and I'm currently working at 96% accuracy performing ~225% of the work expected of me (when I'm actually putting effort in). So within a month of working independently for my new client I'm outperforming people who have been with the same client for years. It feels good to overachieve and get recognition.
As for my research jobs I've also taken on a larger role. I've been helping to train new research assistants every weekend, and recently got a new group. So now I generate quizzes for each group, see how they do, and meet with them all to review and further train. The whole process usually takes up to ~3-5hrs per week but I enjoy it. I like working with them and interacting with people outside of my house, and I've always enjoyed training the new assistants in the past when the lab was still open.
My personal life is a little more bleak. I own two cats, and my older one hasn't been in good health since the construction started. I know it sounds kind of crazy, but he's my best friend and I'm afraid of losing him. He's anxious and doesn't like change (like me), so when the construction started he ended up losing several pounds and is now extremely skinny. According to bloodwork we had done he may have leukemia but we won't know for sure unless we do more extensive testing. We wouldn't put him through chemo or anything so there's no point in taking that route. Prior to this he was already taking two different medications for a thyroid issue, so he has a bit of a medical history. We plan on bringing him back in a couple weeks to figure out a plan, and possibly have it be a palliative care situation. I'm sure it's excruciatingly boring to listen to me ramble on about a cat, but he really is my world and my best friend. It was absolutely crush me when he leaves me forever, but I try not to think about it.. I love my other cat too, but he and I have a special connection. My other cat is completely healthy in case you were wondering - just a morbidly obese calico.
Graduate school is also on the horizons. I'm meeting my graduate cohort next week, which are the people you'll be going through the program with. Since it's a small pool of people it's easy to get to know everyone. A cohort is important to connect with because you can study and work on projects together since you're all in the same classes and/or area of study. I'm very nervous about meeting them because I want to make a good impression. It is via video chat and there will be various people who are presenting/speaking on what the program and first semester will entail, so I'm hoping I personally won't have to talk too much. Either way it's both exciting and extremely nerve-racking.
Hopefully I'll be able to write a little more from the heart next time but for now I figured I'd at least provide a little update. I didn't mean to abandon ship for a month, but life happens. I very much enjoy writing so I really should force myself to write a little bit more often.
Here are some songs, per usual. Most of them are upbeat songs, and some are from a playlist I listen to while I drive. I figured why not sprinkle in some personal favorites, ya know?