Once again, a lot has happened since we last spoke. I was waiting until something major happened, but then it all happened at once.
The first major event was a trip to Boston for a music festival with Michael. We drove all the way there listening to music, laughing, and enjoying the experience. We spent 4 days together and I had the time of my life. We drank, saw amazing performances, and spent quality time together. However, it all fell apart once we got back home. After Boston Michael basically disappeared for a couple weeks. It took a while for us to finally meet up again, but when we did we spent all night in his bed watching Star Wars videos and talking about everything and anything. He showed me the progress on his new hobby, Hot Wheels customizations. We talked and he gave me a couple pieces to use to customize my own, which we had bought together while in Boston. After that night together it took another 3 weeks go finally meet up again. When we did, things definitely didn't go according to plan. It was going to be a coffee date to discuss our relationship and how we can try to meet up and talk more. He told me that his new job wasn't going to allow him much time for a personal life and he wouldn't be able to give me what I need as a significant other. I felt broken. I didn't let that show, but I made it clear that his actions over the past month since we got back from Boston were hurtful. He seemed genuine when he told me I could do better than him and he didn't want to hold me back if someone else better came along. He ended up having to leave because of a prior engagement, but I told him before I left his car that I better see him soon. He promised me he'd see me Saturday night at his place and we could talk further. He texted me later that day and told me he had other plans and had to cancel with me. I've sent texts and tried calling but he never answers. I wanted to see if he had time after his plans to still meet up since I feel this is important, but here I am sitting on the beach well after the sun has set watching a distant fireworks show and writing this. I haven't heard a thing back from him. I've had a crush on Michael for years. We've spent so much time together over the years and I've grown to actually love him. He said he would want to remain friends no matter what happens because he genuinely loves hanging out together and talking, but I don't know if I could. For now I'm just stuck waiting until he eventually gets back to me.There are other factors at play as well, but that's a main stresser for me right now. I'll get into the other stuff soon, I promise. For now I guess I'll keep sitting on the beach with my music, a starry night sky, and the rolling waves to calm me.
The following songs are ones I listened to on my way to the beach. It took about 2 1/2 hours to get here so I had a lot of time to listen to good music. Just know the songs below were screamed at the top of my lungs going 90mph trying to forget my life for a bit. Maybe they'll help you drown out your demons too.
"When our lives are knocked off course we imagine everything in them is lost. But it is only the start of something new and good" - Leo Tolstoy
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