Life is Complicated

Last night, after I did my last blog post, something interesting happened. I read Leo's blog. He began a blog the same time I did. We both agreed it was a good way to vent our feelings and express things we couldn't say to the other person. Since he had read mine (without my consent), he insisted I read his to balance the scale. I felt like I was invading his privacy. I only read his 3 most recent posts then I had to stop. I couldn't keep reading. Every post was about how much he loves me and how much I break his heart. He and I were supposed to meet before school by the sound equipment downstairs all this week but I never came. He brought a chess set and some candles. It was going to be a cute gesture but I didn't show up. I was scared to go. I'm afraid of what I may do. I promised myself I wouldn't cheat. I don't want to touch him or kiss him. In not going downstairs, he was heartbroken. He poured out his soul to the blog. I felt so guilty. I lead him on then crush him. I love Leo. I hate saying this, but he's almost like a backseat boyfriend. When Bambi isn't around, I hang out with Leo. I'm a user. But I love him. I'm not using him. But he thinks I am. I actually care about him. I would never intentionally hurt him. We decided to meet this morning before school to talk. We only spoke for about 10mins but it was nice. We walked and talked outside. It was nice weather. Tomorrow, he wants me to meet him in the schools back field to talk. He says he is planning something. I'm not sure what it is. I'm kinda scared but excited. Isn't this something Bambi and I should be doing? Talking and playing around? All we do is argue. Today, he got mad at me because I was texting a guy friend. Mimi. I've mentioned him once or twice before. Mimi is like my little brother and he and I barely speak anymore. Mimi backed away from me because Bambi was so scary and threatening. In being mad at me, Bambi hurt me. He jabbed my arm and left it red. Yesterday, he slapped me. I think it was in a playful manner but it still hurt. He takes his anger out on me a lot. I don't know why. Such is life.
Okay. So. Anyway. The panic is over. I found the ring. Thank Zeus. Bambi and I went to Swarovski and exchanged it. I got the new one to fit my ring finger. It's now a promise ring. It's fitting I guess. I don't think my mother noticed yet. She will eventually. Well, tomorrow is my last day of school. Great. I'm excited but nervous and scared. I'm growing up too fast. Someone needs to find the pause button. Quick.