Held Back

Today was my lazy day. I slept till 11, made myself some toast with cinnamon sugar, and chilled. My mom was home so we hung out and watched our reality shows, per usual. As the day progressed, my shoulder started to hurt more. It won't stop getting this weird pain whenever I move it. I can't even bend it in certain directions. I had to bring up a bottle of chocolate syrup from the basement to make myself a chocolate milk, but I can't even carry the small bottle with my left arm. I'm weak. Tomorrow I'm going to try some basic weight training exercises. My brother has weights in his room that I'm going to use. Even anti-inflammatory painkillers aren't helping much. I'm afraid that I'm going to wake up and not be able to move my neck again. I don't know what to do. I just took a shower and cried. I thought of how weak I am, and how I'll never amount to anything if this keeps happening. I want to join the AF. I want to become a cop. I can't do either of those if these neck/shoulder issues constantly act up. I don't know what I'll do if I get rejected by the AF or PD. That's what I want for my life. Why can't I just do it? It seems I'm never truly in charge of my life. This time it's my body holding me back. I'm going to fix this.  I don't know how, but I'm going to repair and strengthen myself. I have a strong will. Where there's a will, there's a way.