Satellite

As I'm on the rail train home, I look outside at the sunset in the distance. I love sitting on the upper level to watch the world go by and stare at the sky as it changes the colors of the backdrops of the quant NJ towns. When this relationship first started, I remember my mom saying how I was going to get tired of the commute back and forth. I'm not going to lie, getting up early on my days off isn't the easiest, but it is the most rewarding.

I was looking back at old high school photos last night when I couldn't sleep. It's so strange how things change after such a short time. People change, situations change, and mentalities change. Very little has stayed the same. The friends I thought would be with me for the long run have disappeared, and those who I thought would fade away have stayed close. Today is Kyle's 21st birthday. Normally, I'd post something on Facebook and insist we see each other by the weekend. Instead, I watch as others congratulate him while I stand in the shadows wondering where my best friend of so many years had gone. He messaged me a little while ago asking to go out to lunch or coffee sometime. I couldn't help but respond with how I genuinely felt. He wasn't the person I grew up with and he let too many unimportant people influence who he is and what he does with his life. He's moving out to Indiana with his boyfriend in a couple of months. A year ago, I would have been heartbroken and totally lost. But now it isn't even on my radar. It's sick how someone who once meant so much now means next to nothing. I just have to focus on my own life and where I'm going. As I watch the sun set on the little towns of NJ, I think of how lucky I am to be in my position. It isn't the best or most ideal, but at least I have a family that supports me and a boyfriend who loves me. You can't truly love until you've given up on it.