I just realized that pretty much the last 6 months of my life have been erased from the blog. Awesome. Let's do a quick recap shall we?
- My dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer
- I came out about my rape as a child
- I'm currently in therapy to help my depression and aid in my coping skills
- I no longer work at the bagel shoppe (I'm currently unemployed)
- I've been in a relationship with JP for almost 7 months. We're not exactly the most stable couple, but we love hard and fight hard.
- My depression has taken a serious down turn, and I literally forget to eat some days
- I have become an avid Taylor Swift fan
Ok, so now that that stuff is out there, let's get to it. I've been isolating myself a lot in the last couple days. I stay in my room, listen to music, watch videos, talk to friends, and stay in bed. I like being alone sometimes, especially away from my parents. My mom and I got into a bad fight a couple days ago and she told me to jump out into traffic because it would be easier and quicker than my current situation (having a B- GPA for last semester, and slowly turning into a depressed wreck). It hurt, but I put on the face of indifference and tried to shake it off. I want to take all the money I have and just do something crazy. I want to disappear out west for a while, or even leave the country entirely, I'm sick of life as it is. I want to love life again and feel inspired by the world around me. I can't even enjoyably take photos anymore. I feel like a terrible club president. I don't even have passion for my art anymore.
I was just in the middle of cleaning and Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran came on. I couldn't help but to sing along. I ended up serenading my cat. Even he doesn't seem to care about me anymore. He refuses to cuddle me or let me hug him, but he at least tolerates it when I cradle him like a baby. Why can't I even think? I feel like my thoughts are so scattered and in such disarray. Classes start back up in less than a week. Can I really kick ass this semester? Or am I going to fail, crash, and burn?
No comments:
Post a Comment