Life Changer

Exactly a year ago today, August 12th, I was admitted to the hospital. That experience really did change me.
When it all started, I thought it was a cold. I had a fever, chills, and I wasn't eating much. The last shift I worked before being admitted was tough. The last hour of it I spent hiding in clearance doubled over in pain. I was having the worst cramps of my life. I knew I was sick with something, I just didn't think it was as big as it was. After a few days of calling out of work and shaking on my couch, my mom insisted I go to a doctor. I went to my dad's GP. He did the works and as soon as he felt my sides and kidneys, he told me I needed to go to the ER, now. I was obviously alarmed, but thought I just needed some IV fluids. At first, the nurses in the ER didn't think much of it. I had recently taken Motrin so my fever was down, but they passed me to a general physician who was around the ER. I was placed in the children's ward so I'd have a private bed. I had a sonogram of my abdomen and kidneys done, as well as a bladder scan. From the results, they determined I did need some fluids, and help in general. The nurse went to give me an IV, but my veins kept collapsing and exploding due to the lack of water in my blood. It took them 6 tries to get a good line in, and my arms ended up looking like I had been beaten with a baseball bat. My dad was begging them to admit me purely because it would be cheaper for our insurance copays. The doctor agreed, but it wasn't until later that they saw the extent of my problems.
Once the Motrin from home wore off, all hell broke loose. I spiked a fever around 103 and started almost convulsing under the layers of sheets I was wrapped in. They gave me Tylenol to bring down the fever. They came to a diagnosis of pyelonephritis. It means I had not just one, but both of my kidneys were infected. This came as the result of a UTI I didn't treat because I had no symptoms. I was pumped with IV fluids, and was on a liquid diet for my first day and a half there. I continued to spike fevers, one getting as high as 105. They gave me Tylenol and then a dose of morphine in my IV drip. I instantly felt better. I was in excruciating pain because the shaking I'd do once I got a fever would aggravate my kidneys, which were already tender. Every 4hrs I would have all vitals taken, including a rectal temperature and at least 3 blood samples. The next and last time I had morphine was after a fever and shaking fit. As soon as I was injected with the morphine, I felt my chest collapse. JP was next to me and I looked at him, barely being able to speak, and told him I wasn't getting enough oxygen. The nurse saw something was wrong and took my oxygen levels. They were in the 80s, then normally they should be above 97. I was immediately put on a continuous oxygen feed to get my levels back up. I would get winded easily if I tried speaking or moving without the oxygen on me. I had respiratory therapy sessions with oral steroids every 6 or so hours to keep my lungs open and inflated. I was randomly taken for an echocardiogram early in the morning one day and I had no idea why. Once it was done, the attending physician told me that I was showing signs of early heart failure. He explained to me that since I was pumped so full of fluids, I wasn't able to filter it all because of my banged up kidneys. So the fluid I was being given was building up in my lungs, giving me pneumonia, and around my heart, sending me into early stages of heart failure. They got everything in time and the antibiotics started to help things along. I remember when they took me off my oxygen and I had a little freedom back. I remember taking my pole of IVs with me and walking around my ward. I found a window and just stopped. I didn't have a bed by a window, and I hadn't seen sun or trees or the sky in days. I only saw glimpses of them as I would be on a transport gurney because wings and wards on my way to various tests. I just stood there and watched as a breeze blew the leaves on a tree and the clouds moved so slowly across the bright blue sky. I could see people walking around below me and I wished I could be them. I missed feeling the sun and the wind and smelling something other than rubbing alcohol and latex. I began to get a little tired and headed back to my prison.
After a total of 2 bladder scans, 2 EKGs, 2 doses of morphine, 25+ needles, 3 IV ports, sonograms, an echocardiogram, a CT scan, and 6 days, I was finally released (with medication to take for my residual pneumonia). I said goodbye to my roommate Linda, who I spent many hours with just talking and sharing stories with. I thanked all of the nurses who helped me get changed, gave me a sponge bath, helped when I needed to go to the bathroom, and for every other up and down I needed them for. My dad brought them cookies and they said I was the model patient. We hugged and I left. When I walked at first, my legs were like noodles. Once I made it outside, I stopped right when the sun hit my face. I just stood there for a brief moment and enjoyed what I had taken for granted my whole life. I smelled the trees and felt the breeze play with my greasy hospital hair. The sun was so warm and felt like a hug. I swore to myself after that that I would never take what I have for granted. I can shower. I can brush my teeth. I can change my underwear. I can look outside. I can GO outside. I use that experience to also motivate me in my nursing studies. Every single nurse I came into contact with was amazing. One of them helped clean me up and even did my hair because she knew I was having company. I want to be like them. I want patients to look at me and be glad that I was their nurse. I'm a dedicated person; sometimes to those who don't deserve it. But I will dedicate my everything to my patients, just like my nurses did for me. I came out of that hospital with a new mindset and a shit ton of motivation. I ran into Linda about a month ago at work and we talked for a little. She said that at the time she didn't want to scare me at the time, but I looked pretty bad when I ended up getting my oxygen feed. She thought I looked really sick. It isn't that comforting to know that I looked just as bad as I felt.
Just to add a small section here, I wanted to mention JP's role in this mess. To his credit, he stayed with me most nights at the hospital. He also fought with me and we got into a little scuffle. He threw a cold hamburger at my face and gave me a nosebleed. It doesn't sound painful, but when you're in bad shape already, it hurts. He left the room in a storm of anger and left his vape behind. I took my IV pole, grabbed the vape, and brought it to the bathroom where I threw it into the bottom of the garbage under layers of blood, pee, shit, and god knows what else. Karma is a bitch.