Bonded

I haven't updated in a while. Classes and labs and lectures have kept me busy. For once, I can say that I'm actually understanding things like micro organic chemistry. I still need studying, but I feel so accomplished being able to follow along with the professor and not be completely lost and feeling defeated. I just wrapped up a late night study session. I was outlining a chapter and reading everything. I'm not going to get cocky because staying calm and humble is how I'll win this race.
On a very positive note as well, Josh and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary. It doesn't sound like a big deal in the long run, but it means a lot. He and I are long distance and don't get the time together like most couples do. We cherish the little time we have together and that's what makes us special. I look at Josh and see my future. His blue eyes, amazing dimples, sense of humor, and even his voice. We went to a nice restaurant overlooking midtown/downtown  Manhattan. We got there early and were able to watch the sun go from shining to spreading a beautiful rose gold over the city and the water in front of us. We both got drinks and fancy food. He told me I looked beautiful (as he often does) and I felt it. My hair was let completely down, I wore a classic black and white dress, and completed everything with makeup. Josh had never seen me with my hair fully down for a long period like that before, and it felt kind of liberating. My hair at this point is below my butt. It's gotten to the point where I sit on it frequently and it's longer than my arm, so brushing is a hassle. But I felt good about myself in that moment. That's something I could easily see Josh and I doing in the future. Getting dressed up, going to a nice restaurant, ordering fancy cheese plates and drinks, and just sitting there watching the window and talking to each other. It isn't often we get to enjoy each other's company, so I don't take it for granted. For our anniversary, he blew me out of the water. He got me a fire opal claddagh ring with matching white fire opal earrings. They were gorgeous and I couldn't have asked for anything more. I put them on immediately, and still haven't taken the earrings out. Me being me, I forgot Josh's presents at home. I felt like an absolute jerk. One sided gift exchanges don't really work.
Josh deserves way more than I can ever give him in my opinion. I can be distant at times and not easy to open up. I almost cried at our anniversary dinner, so I suppose that's a step. But I'm not as expressive as he is about his love for me. I love him more than anything in this world, but I never know how to say it. My therapist says that I just need to say it more and stop worrying so much on delivery and silly things. I want to give him the sun, the moon, and the stars. Josh is an amazing man that I can't fathom living without. Everyone around us approves of our relationship and are even talking marriage already. For once, I feel what it means to be in a healthy relationship. That's something I've never had before, so getting used to that dynamic has been a little strange. I'm still conditioned certain ways, but I'm slowly becoming my own person. I'm not what the world made of me, but what I make of myself. Josh is with me though it all and I know he has my back. I just pray he doesn't see something he can't handle.