20 Signs...

I started back up at school and my life has been filled with the usual nonsense. The classes are easy, and even enjoyable. The only challenge is Italian II. I barely remember Italian I so it's been an interesting ride trying to figure it out all at once. Yoga has been nice, and relaxing. I can finally use my mat again, after almost a full year of collecting dust. Archery has been fun as well. I'm one of the few in my class that has shot before, and it's seen clearly in my target by the time I finish. History is boring, but I have Kristen to help get me through it. English is interesting. I'm taking an autobiography class. We have to write about our lives and experiences. At 21, I've been through more than a lot of adults can say. Seeing where the memoir papers lead me will be interesting.
Josh and I are coming up on our 1 year anniversary next month. It seems like so long ago, but at the same time it feels like only a couple months at most. I read this article by Cosmo listing 20 signs you met your future husband. I read them and thought to myself that those 20 signs were completely true. Josh is perfect in every way. But I've been distant lately. The past couple weeks have been so weird. I love him completely to death, but it feels as if I'm loving him through a pane of glass. That's the best way I can think to describe it. I'm not sure why I feel that way, but I do. It isn't his fault, and I don't think it's mine. My past may play a part in some kind of attachment or commitment issues. I'm not really sure what it is. But I'm working to figure it out. I could spend days listing all of the reasons why Josh is perfect. I can also go on for days listing the reasons why I'm not perfect. And somewhere in that list is the answer as to why I feel this way. I think we all spent a part of our lives dreaming and creating this perfect mate. What color eyes they have, what exact color their skin will be, how long will their hair be, and what color? What kind of shows will they like, do they have pets, would they want kids, and how many? We secretly have this blueprint of our perfect soulmate in the back of our heads. I always figured I would settle for a great guy, but who was outside my plan. When I met Josh, the deal was done. He checked off everything I could have wanted in my future husband and more. He fit what I wanted, and what I needed in my life. So the question still remains: why am I trapped behind the pane of glass?