Space Cat

I've really been trying to get myself together. My depression is slowly eating at my soul. I find it hard to sleep and eat well. I usually eat salads and drink water often and skip snacking during the day. Recently, I haven't been doing what's healthy. My overall mood is low. Low energy, low happiness, low productivity, low everything. The only times I put on a front are at work and around my family. At work I'm always known as the happy one who bakes, wears quirky t-shirts and greets people by saying good morning at any time during the day just because it sounds happier. I train the new hires and take care of my customers. I have my work friends and we all laugh and have a good time. Work can actually relieve stress sometimes for me. Working with the right people just keeps you in a positive head space. I know that at work, there's nothing else I have to focus on. My attention is purely on my job and that's it. It's like a mental vacation sometimes. I forget about due dates and finals and chores and homework and responsibilities. I'm good at my job and it makes me genuinely happy when I see my customers satisfied. We got a group of about 6 or 7 mentally slow people come by the store with 2 care takers. The woman I ended up with was obviously not all there mentally but she and I had an in-depth conversation about The Golden Girls (one of my favorite shows). I could see that she appreciated someone talking to her and genuinely caring. It's moments like that that make me smile. But as soon as I come back into the reality of my life, it sucks. Everything seems bland and boring and I have no interest.
Josh has been bearing a lot of the weight with me being like this too. I wish it were as easy to get rid of depression as it is to get it. He's really been patient through it all. I love him immensely and I'm thankful he's with me. I just have no romantic motivation. Conversations are boring (not just with him) and I feel out of it. Some days are better than others, but others are worse. I feel tired all the time but can't sleep when it comes down to it. I feel like I'm riding blind on a horse. I can't see where the fuck it's going and I have no control; I'm just along for the ride. Just gotta hold on and hope I don't fall off.