It's been a long time, maybe 3 months, since I've broken my silence. I stopped writing for a bit due to the excessive crippling anxiety I was experiencing due to my workload at school. Statistics took a lot of mental energy from me. During my last statistics lab test, I actually started crying. I was mentally breaking down at that point. So I handed in my test partially incomplete, left the room, and promptly went to the bathroom to cry in peace. I can be very strong mentally and I know that I've made it through a lot in my life, but stress is that constant element that brings my entire mental state down. I had to focus extra hard on keeping my mental health in check. It's easy for me to get depressed or anxious over trivial things, so it can be difficult to move past those feelings. I eventually made it to the end of the semester, which was a blessing. The day after my last final, a few friends and I went out to pizza bar, then back to my friends apartment. We all drank and played Mario Kart and talked about life. None of us had any cares in the world that night. Daniel and I drank the most by far and we laughed and sang old songs that were popular when we were in high school. We all crashed there that night at his apartment and it was just such a fun time. My resolution for 2018 is to set more time aside to hang out with my friends. I don't have many trusted friends so being around my small circle of people makes me happy, even when I feel sad or stressed. I want the year of 2018 to be the year of happiness. I need to cater more towards my happiness instead of being an anti-social hermit that leads to depression. This is very stream of consciousness, but fuck it. There's more soon to come, I promise.
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