BFWB

Today Seth and I hung out unexpectedly. He was supposed to head home early to study for an exam he has tomorrow, but he wanted to stay around because he missed me. We spend at least a few hours together every day when we're on campus and we text incessantly. Yet, we still miss each other when we aren't physically together. Our dynamic is a unique one. Trying to explain what we have and what we are to people is next to impossible. We're very close friends, but we're also incredible lovers. One of Seth's greatest qualities is his caring nature. He's been so worried about me since my sickness started, and has been asking me multiple times a day how I feel and how I'm doing, and if I'm taking my antibiotics on time. We were hanging out just a few hours ago before he left. We were walking around and talking and laughing, and it was sweet. It's chilly fall weather, but not quite cold enough to bundle all the way up. We stopped under a tree as we were walking, and he pulled me close. He gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear that he loved me. I said it in return, and we continued to embrace. Eventually we separated and decided to part ways. We shared one final kiss under a shedding tree with acorns falling all around us. I walked in the direction of my class, and he towards his bus. I walked to my class with a smile on my face, and a warm feeling in my heart.
Seth and I have discussed dating, but it isn't in the cards for either of us. I'm actually very happy being single. I'm learning not to need validation from others to give myself value. Of course I would like to have a boyfriend at some point in time, but I am happy right now. I never thought I would be able to say that while still single. Seth is encouraging me to get out there and flirt with other guys and enjoy my youth. While it is scary, I know that growth can sometimes be uncomfortable. I enjoy my time with Seth, and we both love and value each other deeply. However, I know that I can't rely on him forever. For now, he is my security blanket. He makes me happy and feel comfortable. Holding his hand makes me feel more secure and grounded, and just texting him eases my anxiety when I'm stressed. I never thought that I would have a relationship like this with someone. It's like best friend with benefits, and I love it. I don't know why I felt compelled to write this. Looking back, it's very stupid and high school-ish. I'm basically just gushing over a boy, but he is one hell of a boy.