(Don't) Stop Believing

I went to a wedding tonight. It was my first wedding, and it was all I could have hoped for. A gorgeous bride, lovely venue, delicious food, and old friends who I hadn't seen in years. As I was speeding to get to the wedding in time it dawned on me how suddenly life seems to be progressing. I'm getting to the age where everyone around me seems to either be engaged, married, and/or pregnant. People are trading in their part time minimum wage jobs for their real life careers and aspirations. I definitely see what people mean when they say life goes faster the older you get. I always thought it was bullshit. But I'm turning 24 in a couple months and it's scary. Not to sound cliché, but what is the meaning of life? Why do we have to work until we die? Is there no living left in life?

A few weeks ago my dad was in a car accident. Multiple cracked ribs, fractured shoulder, banged up knee, and a (literally) bruised heart. I was at work when it happened, and wasn't aware of the extent of my dad's injuries until he went to the emergency room later that day. The accident wouldn't have happened if I was home. I was making up hours at work because I had been given the chance to go home early on Halloween, and I jumped at the chance of seeing little kids in costumes. I didn't realize that me deciding to take Halloween off would indirectly result in my dad getting so badly injured. He goes to physical therapy every other week and so far has accrued $50k in medical bills. There are attorneys involved because it was someone else that caused the accident. The medical bills are being sent to the other attorney for he and his douchebag of a client to figure out. But I can't help but think that I'm still indirectly the cause of the accident. It wouldn't have happened if I were home like I normally would be on the day it happened. Having to get briefed on all of the medical and lawsuit developments is a lot. I'm glad my dad is mostly in one piece, but he could have easily died. All it takes is one split second to change an entire scenario, and an entire life.

Life comes, and life goes. People get engaged, and married, and have kids. And while someone is bringing a new life into the world, another life leaves. It's a constant coming and going of life. I could be dead this time next week for all I know. None of us wake up knowing we'll die in a car accident today, and go to sleep thinking about how one small decision during the day could have completely changed the trajectory of our lives. What dictates who lives and dies? Sometimes it seems like world has no order to the chaos. "God's will" is bullshit.