Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Hej Hej

I keep saying this, but so much can change in such sort periods of time. I finished my medical quarantine last week and it feels amazing to get out of my house. However, things are limited as to what you can or where you can go because of the virus. It's gotten to the point of supermarkets rationing things like eggs, toilet paper, and even cat food. It feels great to get out of my house for a bit to do grocery shopping or general errands. I'm still wearing a mask whenever I leave the house, and my mom is trying to convince me to wear gloves while shopping. I think gloves are a bit pointless and wasteful, but I guess it makes some people feel better. This city-wide quarantine needs to be over already. I know it's for the best but so many people are going crazy, including myself. I'm used to working four jobs and now I barely work one. I went into a bit of a depression because I've lost my crutch. I usually work all the time to avoid thinking or really feeling anything deep. I don't like thinking about certain things and would rather focus all of my energy on work. I use weed every night to help me relax at night and get to sleep a little easier because I tend to be more anxious at night.
I got news today that for some reason made my anxiety worse. I got an email today from my second choice graduate school and I got accepted. I haven't told my parents yet, but I plan to tomorrow. I'm still waiting to hear from my first choice but either way I'm going to be a graduate student. All of my friends are extremely happy for me and say I deserve it because I work so hard. While I agree with them in some respects, I don't think I work terribly hard. I work up to 15hrs a day but not all of it is difficult. At the lab a lot of my job is training people. So I pretty much sit there eating my bagel and drinking my coffee while explaining things or walking them through certain tasks. That isn't very strenuous work but it does get exhausting after doing it so often for so long. I know I've been through hell and back, though, and I do deserve a shot at accomplishing my dreams. I've always wanted an advanced degree, and now that's something I can be proud of working towards. I didn't walk for my undergraduate college graduation because I find it dumb to celebrate something that is an expectation. I've always been expected to go to college, so why would I pretend I'm special for two minutes walking across a stage with hundreds of other people? I'd rather be sleeping, hanging out with my friends, eating, or watching trashy TV. However, I will most definitely walk for my graduate degree. This is something I've always dreamt about and now I can make it a reality. My end goal is a PhD, but a Master's Degree is a great starting point. A new future is ahead, and I'm ready for whatever it brings me.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts"
- Winston Churchill

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals"
- Zig Ziglar

"When you've got a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go"
- Carol Burnett

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