I Do It

I feel like I haven't written an in-depth post in a while. I honestly don't even know where to begin. My graduate school applications are all finalized and submitted, which feels both amazing and incredibly nerve wracking. In addition to my applications being finalized I finally got the opportunity to go to the hospital where I'm now working out of and play with biological samples. It was an extremely bloody process to collect the samples but I loved it. I did a majority of the cutting and sampling since the other person I was there with didn't like blood. It was an incredible experience seeing and then executing the process myself. Since we are dealing with blood we get suited up in big biohazard suits, hair covers, goggles, gloves, and face masks. Given the situation right now with the spread of Coronavirus we have to extra careful when dealing with bodily fluids. Unfortunately I slipped up while changing gloves and got foreign blood on my bare skin. I don't think anything will happen as a result, but it was a good reminder of how careful we have to be. Overall, it was an amazing experience. In a few weeks I have my first on-call weekend, which means I have to be ready to run to the hospital at any time to collect samples from someone. The hospital-based study that I'm a part of is mainly focused on pregnant women and their newborn children. Our job is to collect placental samples along with various other fluids including blood, saliva, and urine. It's a very bio-based lab and I'm loving it a lot thus far. I'm still very much involved in my first neuropsychology lab and I put in two days a week to work on those things. For a while I was part of a coding team, but now I'm mainly focused on training newer research assistants and keeping tabs on other people's work. I carry a title there as being a part of management, but very minimally. Between the two labs there is a lot of possibility for a publication with my name on it. While it sucks that these lab jobs are unpaid, the experience is well worth it to me.
On the personal side of life it's been a little difficult the last month or so. A coworker of mine from my full time analytics job has been hitting on me non-stop. Let's call him Khan since that's a pretty common last name. Khan and I were supposed to go out to drinks last weekend but he bailed on me and instead invited me over to his place. I know exactly what he wants, and I'm not sure if it's a good decision. I find him very attractive, but I know he's a player and it makes me uneasy. Seth has been kept in the loop with all of the happens and developments of this and he feels the same way. I know he can be a little possessive, but I think his instincts are accurate when it comes to Khan. I'd be lying if I said I haven't flirted back, but coworkers are generally off limits. We'll see what happens with it, but for now I'm keeping it flirty and noncommittal.
When it comes to Seth, not much has changed. We see each other multiple times a week, and I usually go over to his house every Monday morning. We sleep together for the first couple hours, then sometimes watch a movie. Our favorite thing to do recently is to watch Twilight Zone together. Last week I was in his bed sleeping and I partially woke up when I felt him pulling me closer. He didn't realize that I was semi-conscious and I heard him whisper how much he loved me. Something about that moment was so sweet. I know he loves me, and I know we're close in a lot of ways. But hearing him say that without saying it directly to me made me smile. I quickly fell back asleep, but I think about that moment at least a couple times a day. When in public he's a man's man who drinks whiskey and smokes cigars, and has no problem being crass and speaking his mind. But with me he's soft and sends me sweet texts and pictures. It's funny how much people change behind closed doors. I know I can be the same way. I'm sure a lot of people are. It makes me think about who people are when they're not "on". At work I'm focused and do my work and put up a somewhat professional front. I get accolades for my work ethic and overall contributions. But when I'm home I'm a cat lady who likes to get high and watch crafting videos. Who are you when no one is watching?