It's been exactly a month since my last post, and a lot has happened. Emotionally I'm feeling better. I opted to keep his ashes and requested a clay paw print. It took about a week and half for him to be ready, and I was completely fine driving there. The day had been spent with Seth, then running various errands on the way home. When the vet tech handed me the purple bag with his things inside through my car window and I politely said thank you and she went back inside the building. I took a look at the bag and started to cry. I thought I was emotionally ok, but I guess I had some sorrows repressed down to keep myself afloat. I sat in the car and talked to him for a few minutes and had a little crying session. Then I told myself to buck up and continue my errands. For now I have him in a small box wrapped in purple paper, and his clay paw print still in the bag. I don't have my own room quite yet, so I haven't figured out a display for it or if I even want to keep it out in the open. I'm still emotional as I write this, but everything heals in due time.
As for another aspect of my life, I started graduate school. It's been intimidating, scary, and confusing at times. However, pretty much my entire cohort has a group chat where we discuss classes and professors and assignments. We help each other out and give support and encouragement when needed. Overall, I'm happy. I wouldn't say there's been a copious amount of work, but it's enough to keep me busy at times. I reduced my hours to part time and it feels strange having days off. I technically have three days off per week and it's unusual. I'm accustomed to having maybe one day a week, if any. I've gone over a month without a single day off because of how much I work. For most people having days off would be relaxing and pleasant, but for me I feel like I'm not doing enough or working to my full potential. I guess maybe you'd say I'm a workaholic, but I enjoy keeping busy. Luckily, I have the ability to keep myself busy with school work now. Being able to sleep in has felt amazing and I genuinely do enjoy that aspect. I tend to do most of my work at night so it feels nice not having to give myself a bed time so I could start work early the next morning. I'm still getting used to doing homework and having deadlines, but thus far I have all perfect scores except one 90%. I think I'm doing well, but it's only been a few weeks. I had to purchase a giant dry erase calendar just to keep track of all my assignments and quizzes and paper deadlines. Grad school isn't easy, but it also isn't as difficult as I first thought.
Another major event that happened concerned my car. I went to leave my house last weekend only to find that my entire driver's side had been badly damaged from someone side swiping it. I ended up not using my insurance to keep a clean record and had to pay $2k out of pocket. Luckily I have money to fall back on that's tied up in investments and the stock market. The last couple months have treated me well, so I felt comfortable taking some of the money. The silver lining to paying for the damage was that I decided while I was moving money around I may as well take out enough to pay the entire car off. I'm extremely fortunate to have the means to pay off a car at my age, but that isn't to say I didn't work for it. I was able to pay off most of my car loan through just my paychecks from my full time office job. However, with me cutting down to part time hours and still having to pay insurance every month was getting too expensive for me to handle on a part time paycheck. The money is officially in the process of transferring as I write this, and this time next week the title of the car will be solely in my name. The car will no longer be half mine and half the bank's. Now that it is (almost) paid off, I plan on starting to save my money and contributing more to my IRA. I know it might sound silly to be contributing to a retirement fund while still in my early 20's, but I guess this is how you become an adult. As a side note, I've also started to sprout several grey hairs that just seem to be multiplying. Weirdly enough, I don't care. I think it's actually kind of cool to be honest. So yeah, that's my life right now. Slowly but surely becoming an "adult". Some days are better than others, but 2020 has been quite the trip.
Here are some songs to hopefully get your minds off things. Just keep in mind that when things feel like they can't get worse, they always can. Count your blessings and stay grateful for every thing and every one you love. Always remember - "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success."
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