I have a lot to explain. I know I keep saying I won't disappear again for a long time but stuff gets hectic, so buckle up. I finally finished both my spring and summer semesters of classes. Between those classes and general work life it's been a lot to balance. I finished everything about two weeks ago, so I haven't been doing much since then. I don't work over the summers now since my full-time is at a school and they don't have classes over the summer. I still get paid my normal salary and collect my full-time paycheck, but am doing no work whatsoever. It feels really nice to finally have some time to breathe. I've been working anywhere from two to five jobs in addition to school since the age of 16, so I'm pretty mentally and physically exhausted.
First I supposed I'll give a brief overview of why my work life was very hectic the last couple months. Basically my coworkers and I found out our supervisor was playing both sides of the fence in an issue attacking one of my coworkers. She was accused of being racist and too harsh with the kids, meanwhile it couldn't have been farther from the truth. I spoke out against the claims directly to our upper supervisors as well as HR. In the end my coworker was released from the job and her contract isn't going to be renewed for next school year. It broke my heart because she one of the people who welcomed me and made me feel secure and happy in a job I had never done before. She taught me and showed me how to handle certain things and just loved everyone in our classroom. It was extremely upsetting when she called me after our last day with the students and told me about the email she had received. Meanwhile, less than two hours prior all of us were in front of the school dancing and singing to Love on Top by Beyoncé waiting for the kids' school buses to pick them up for the last time. We laughed and made idiots out of ourselves, but we all felt happy and like a little family. We made it through some of the craziest months at that school, and we did it together. Only to find out a matter of hours later that one of us wouldn't be returning next year. It made us all angry, but also a tad relieved in a way. The school wasn't treating her right anymore and she deserved better. We're all getting together hopefully next week to celebrate her birthday that was last month. We didn't get to celebrate because she got terminated before it came around. The new school year is going to be sad without her, but I'm hoping the coworker I have left along with a couple others will help fill in the school family again. It's important in special education that you trust in your coworkers and know that they truly have your back if something goes wrong, which something very often does. I hope that in August I get placed with the few people there I actually trust.
On a more personal topic, Seth and I have started seeing each other again. We met up in late May for the first time in almost 9 months and we kissed almost immediately. We had hung out prior to that but it was always maintaining social distancing and masks and all. After he and his family got vaccinated he felt more comfortable being together, so we made a date of it. We saw a movie, got dinner and drinks, and just walked around. We ended up fooling around which wasn't too much of a surprise given our history. This wouldn't be too big of a deal if Mike weren't also still involved in the equation. He started a new job and swore he'd have a more consistent schedule and be able to hang out more and do more stuff together. Turns out that was completely false and he's more busy now than he was before. He says he feels terrible about it but I don't know if I necessarily believe him. Everyone makes time for things that matter and it's maybe once every few weeks he finds time to hang out. I get that he's busy, but so am I. He and I have talked about it somewhat in depth via text but we haven't talked about anything serious face to face because of the lack of time. We've had dates in the city where we go out to dinner and drinks at a nice place then walk around and catch up and hang out till we head home. Whenever we're together it feels so good and we make each other laugh constantly. Mike and I are meeting up tonight over coffee to have a more serious talk about the future between he and I. I want to know where his head is with any of this. Does he really feel the same way I do? Or is he just into it for a casual thing. I can leave allowance for him being busy and stuff going on, but to a point. Hopefully our meeting will answer some questions that I feel I need answered before I make any further decisions. Seth and I have continued on as if nothing had changed between us. If anything, we're more intimate now than we were before. We both feel as if we took each other for granted and want to remind the other person who much they mean on a daily basis. He's bought me gifts and dinners and taken me out on dates, and it feels amazing. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. He and I have also spoken to where our relationship stands. We both agree that as a couple we wouldn't work out, and we find it such a shame because we're compatible in a plethora of ways. However, there are key areas that would put us at an impasse by way of a serious relationship. In short, Seth and I are still casually seeing each other while Mike and I are figuring things out.
Now onto some better and more fun news. I'm going on two road trips soon. One of which I'm helping Vince move down to Tennessee, but I'm only gone a couple days. I'll explain more of that at a later time but that's very sad for me and I don't want to be sad right now. The other road trip is more exciting. I'm actually going to be traveling with Leo down to Texas and back. We've planned most of it out but there are still small details we need to iron out. For the most part thought, we're good to go. We're leaving next month and are going to be gone for a little over a week. I've never done a real road trip with anyone besides my family so I'm very excited. I've been to 34 states (if I recall correctly) and this will add a few more notches to that belt.
I actually found out not too long ago that Leo is moving after our road trip. He's lives out of state currently but comes every weekend to volunteer on a local ambulance. Recently in the last few months he often comes by for dinner on the nights my brother and I cook, and has even jumped in to help at times. Usually after dinner I clean up a bit then he and I head out to a local bar. We've been there a few times now and the people there know our names. The bartender even remembers my usual drink. I drink and smoke out back and talk shit with Leo and some of the regulars. It was a nice way to decompress and let loose a little. We always take an Uber back and Leo makes sure I'm inside and settled before he goes. I very rarely can drink in moderation. I either don't drink at all or I get very drunk. I'm normally not much of a drinker and tend to rely on other substances to help me relax, but having a night out with a close friend every once in a while is definitely nice.
Also happening next month is my younger brother moving into his dorm for college. We're all super proud of him and of course want him to live his life and be free on campus, but it will be difficult without him around. We've always had him home for maybe the exception of a night or two here and there for a sleep over or something. It's going to be extremely weird and kind of sad coming home and not telling him all the crazy work stories from the day or talking about a video game or showing each other memes on our phones. He's still going to come home every couple weeks, but I'm definitely going to miss him a lot. Most of us have siblings that annoy the living shit out of us, but that doesn't change how much we love them. We've bickered and poked fun at each other but we're siblings. It's just what we do. We normally have a sibling cooking night once a week where he and I cook dinner for the family. That'll probably be changing since he won't be home every weekend. It'll be very weird and definitely sad not seeing him every day. Of course I plan on texting and calling him and making sure he's alright, but it isn't the same
To end on a happy note, I'm having a very fun weekend with Vince and a friend of his. We're going to dog-sit his brother's dog while he's out of town for the weekend. It's going to be filled with drinking, smoking, junk food, and good company. The highlight is going to be drunk tie dye on Friday night. We're all going to drink way too much and attempt some tie dye. I personally love tie dye so I think it'll be a lot of fun to do it together. So basically, this summer is pretty much open for whatever I want to do. I've been playing a lot of video games, sleeping 9+ hours every night, basically living in pajamas, and only leave my house to do fun things. This is a much needed vacation and I'm savoring every single day of it.
Fun Fact of the Day - I am obsessed with a mobile game called Arknights. I play it multiple times a day every single day (and right now, actually). Vince is the one that recommended the game and shortly after skeptically downloading it I ended up loving it. If you're looking for a mobile game to occupy some time and give you a great storyline and characters, Arknights is for you. The characters are also all adorable, so it has that going for it as well.
Here's the music drop. Part of me doesn't want to drown you guys in music, but I also feel like I have to overcompensate for disappearing for a while. I won't go too too crazy, but I'll leave a good amount. You don't have to listen to these all at once by the way. I don't know if I ever said that, but it isn't like a storytelling thing or something. Just listen at your leisure and hopefully you find at least a few songs you like.
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