Love and Marriage

The early shift today was crazy. Who would think a Tuesday morning is bsusier than a weekend? There were constant lines of people and annoying orders. I messed up a few times. I usually don't mess up much but I was tired. The day went slow at timees, but eventually ended. I took a Snapple, bagel, and cookies home with me. I listened to Frank Sinatra on my way home. I came home, took my shoes off and went online. I watched an anime for a bit. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I'm a little bit of an Otaku. An anime always makes me happy. So I watched and got kinda into it. Then I listened to music and looked up some info on the Air Force. Apparently it takes a lot to get into the Air Force. Is this really something I want to do?
My brother got home, soon followed by my parents.
After they went to bed, I Skyped Bambi. He's been upset lately. His father has recently spoken of divorcing his mom. He's not taking it well at all. They're not getting divorced, but his father was saying things like "Don't be surprised if we get a divorce". His mom found porn on his dads phone and got upset. Bbi and I trade porn sometimes so its not a bog deal to us, but I can see why his mom would be mad. Anyway, the point is that Bambi's parents have been fighting a lot. I don't think they'll get a divorce. They aren't going to give up on each other. I know them well enough to say that they will stay strong together. I hope.
Tomorrow I'm going to be hanging out with M (Leo's ex) and Kristen (a childhood friend of mine). We haven't seen each other all summer so we're meeting at our favorite sushi place for lunch. We'll hang out, eat and window shop at the mall across the street. I think it should be fun. My mom doesn't know I'm going out. I told her that I'm working tomorrow so she wouldn't question what I did all day. It's a genius plan. So that's the plan for tomorrow. Now I get to sleep. Oh bed. I've missed you so much...

Maybe He Likes Me...

I made an impulse decision. I messaged Jojoe on fb. At first he was willing to talk, but then got angry and annoyed. He said to leave him alone. Once again, I fucked up. Maybe I'll try again in a few months. In the mean time, let me try to forget this ever happened.
The next morning, I had the early shift. Bob and I were alone for a bit before LD came. LD is always the divider between Bob and I. However, Bob was actually being nice. Instead of telling me to do something, he would ask. He bumped into me a few times and even said sorry. I thanked him for helping me with customers and was polite as I could be. Maybe he's starting to like me. I even messed up a couple orders and he didn't say anything. Usually he would be picking on me and insulting me. This time, he said nothing. It was a pleasant surprise. Work went by quick, thank god.
I got home and my mom asked me to make me a bagel. Bitches be funny. I just sat down with my corn muffin and diet peach Snapple and started eating. She looked annoyed but I didn't care. I finished eating and she offered to take me out to get a manicure with her. I agreed. We talked and had fun. We got home and I turned on my laptop. I've been getting obsessed with Sims 3. I made a character for Bambi and I. We live together, just how I want it to be. It's like living out my ideal future. So I played for a few hours then ate dinner. Then I went back to playing. I eventually turned it off and watched TV with my mom. She went to bed, and I played Xbox.
I talked to Bambi for a few hours. I've been feeling so in love with him lately. I've had dreams of him proposing and us having a family. I love him so much. He really is my everthing.
Anyway, I'm working 3 early shifts in the next week. Ugh. I'm working one tomorrow. Bob won't be there. Just me and LD. It should be OK I think. I'm taking advantage of the day I have off now. I'm gonna sleep, play the Sims, and sleep some more.

Forgetful Me...

I almost forgot. I didn't mention the dream I had last night. It was so random and bizarre.
Remember Jojoe? He and I stopped talking a while ago. He crosses my mind every now and then but I don't dwell on him. However, last night I had a dream about him. He came over to my house and we were in the middle of having sex when my parents came home. I told him to hide behind my bed and I threw a blanket and pillow over him. My parents didn't notice. I told him to leave through the window but before he could get out, my dog smelled him and started barking. This alerted my parents and we were caught. I was trying so desperately to find an excuse. I was about to say something but then my alarm went off and I woke up. It was a strange dream. But maybe it means something. Maybe I should message him and say hello. Any opinions?

Can I Help You?

I worked both yesterday and today. It was okay I guess. Today I didn't want to work. I was kinda tired. Bit I pushed through the work day. I kept happy by humming various Frank Sinatra songs. I was cleaning the glass display cases when a customer came in. I turned around and asked how I could help them. Leo just smiled and asked if we had coffee left. That's right. Leo. He left camp a day earlier than he was supposed to and came to visit me. He's transferring camps so he would only be off one day, maybe even less. But he left his boyscout camp early to surprise me. I was shocked to see him. I was shaking and my heart skipped a beat. Why was I this excited and happy? I've been trying to distance myself from him. I guess it isn't working. I love him. I can't change that. We chatted for a little while then he ordered a bagel. Cinnamon raison with jalapeño cream cheese. Strange combination, but I made it for him. He took a small coffee too. I kept smiling. I can't believe he took a bus to my job and inconvenienced himself. He looked kind of different too. He had a tan and more facial hair. God. I missed him. He stayed there in the store for a little bit and we talked. Then he left. I had work to do, and he had a bus to take. I couldn't stop thinking about how he came to see me. A few minutes after he left, he came back. He needed change for the bus. It made me laugh. He's so ditsy sometimes.
I continued my work day and went home. He and I are talking on fb. He says it was so good to see me. That he missed me. He said he felt happy when he saw me. He's so sweet. Tomorrow I'm working 6-1. Long shift, but who knows? Maybe Leo will show up again. He's always finding ways to keep me on my toes.

Laptops and Cloisters

The sleepover with Kyle was fun. We compared laptops and he showed me some gaming sites. He had me download Steam and Origin. I got the Sims 3 and Minecraft (I was leary about the latter). We ended up playing Minecraft with Kyle's boyfriend till 5am. The game actually wasn't bad. Maybe I'll be playing it more often. I still haven't tried Sims, but I've always been a fan of the Sims francize.
Anyway, the next day, we went to our friend George's hot tub. I bought a sports bra and track shorts for it. I forgot my bikini at home. But we got there and hung out. It was me, Kyle, Megan, Bambi and George. We all got into the tub and hung out. After maybe 2hrs, we got out. We ordered Dominos pizza and waited for it to come. Bambi and I changed into normal clothes. We weren't going back in the tub. Soon the pizza came, and so did Jeremy (Kyle's boyfriend) and Antonio (Bambi's brother). Bambi and I ate alone inside. He said it meant a lot to him that I ate inside with him. He and I laid on the couch and talked. He rubbed my feet and we watched YouTube videos. It was nice. Then it was time to go. When we went outside, everyone was in the hot tub. I said goodbye and headed home.
The next day, my dad and I spent together. He took me to this museum called the Cloisters. There was lots of art from the 13-15th centuries. We saw statues and paintings and plants and tapestries. It was nice just hanging out with him. We haven't had a Daddy-Daughter day in years. After the museum, we went to a hot dog place. We both drank a cream soda and talked about the food. After being out for about 6hrs, we headed home. He fell asleep on the couch and I played Sims on my laptop. I really enjoyed the day with him.
I talked to Leo as well. He was using his friend's smartphone to text me. We talked for about an hour then he had to go. After he left, I went on Xbox. Bambi and I talked and hung out. Around 1am I logged off and went to bed.
Now I'm under the sheets not wanting to get up for work. My shift is 12-4 today. Not bad. But I still don't feel like working.
Also on a side note, I apologize for not updating as frequently as I used to. I guess the summer keeps me busy. I'll be working on writing more. I promise.

Air

Well, Sunday I worked with Bob. He wasn't too bad. Bert warned me, and I thought I was going to be harassed by Bob all morning. He was civil. We talked a bit, then Joey came. Joey and Bob get along so Bob took it easy I guess. I didn't make a single mistake all day (which is more than Bob can say). I was proud of myself. So I worked, cleaned, then went home. I'm off all week until Friday. Thank goodness.
Sunday night, Bambi and I had a fight. He was mad at me still about not talking to him on Saturday. Then he got mad that I didn't text him much on Sunday. I worked then went shopping with my mom for school supplies. Then we went to Macy's and she bought me new clothes for when college starts. We got shakes at BK then saw The Conjuring. It was nice bonding time. I wanted to go to sleep since I was exhausted from the long day. However, Bambi was pissed about not talking to me. I logged onto Xbox so we could talk for a bit. We just ended up arguing. He was heated and said something about my eating habits. I've struggled for years to keep my anorexia at bay. I've done really well. But what he said struck a sensitive topic and I started to cry. I logged off Xbox and cried. Bambi texted me and I pulled myself together. I know him, and I can predict what he does. He was apologetic. I told him not to cut. My words came too late. He sent me pictures. There were about 4 cuts each small, but deep. I couldn't handle it. I just turned my phone off and slept.
I woke up this morning with multiple texts from Bambi. He was sorry. I felt fucking horrible. I made him cut. I made him feel guilty. He was doing so well with cutting. He had gone months without it. I said good morning to him and started my day. I got dressed and went to the bank with my mom. We withdrew all my money and then went to the Omega diner (someplace that has a lot of childhood memories). We talked and ate. After breakfast, we went to the Apple store. I bought myself a Macbook Air. Such a dandy little device. I've been playing with it all day.
Tomorrow, I'm going to Kyle's house for a sleepover. We need some best friend bonding. I'm sleeping over Tuesday night, then he's having a get together on Wednesday with all our friends. It'll be a good next few days. Let me enjoy the summer while it lasts.

In Memoriam

Today was the memorial service for Kyle's father. I slept in a bit then got dressed. Only my dad and I went. My mom was working and my brother is a troll who lives in our basement playing video games. My dad and I drove to the church. On the way there, I learned that Bambi and his brother got wrong directions and ended up in a different place. I started giving them directions then stopped. I was passing their location in the car so I figured I would tell my dad to pick them up. It was hot, they were dressed up, it was almost time for the service to begin. It only made sense to pick them up. Our car was a bit hairy (because of my dog) and Bambi complained. His brother did too but he was joking. Bambi was being borderline obnoxious. He said he would have rather walked in the heat than take the ride and get furry. It was kinda obnoxious because I didn't have to pick him up, but I did. I figured it would help them out. Antonio was thankful but Bambi was not. I made me a bit mad.
Once inside, I saw Kyle. We hugged. I missed him. Bambi, Antonio, my dad and I then sat down. We were all quiet. Bambi was offended that I didn't talk to him while we waited for it to begin. I don't like talking in a church while waiting for a service. I think it's disrespectful. Bambi, however, took offense.
The service was nice. I almost cried at a few parts but I held it together. After the service, Kyle and I talked more. He said we should hang out more. I agreed. We've both been busy lately. I really need to make time for him. We continued talking and were joined by a couple of our high school teachers. It was cool seeing them too. After that, my dad and I drove Bambi and Antonio home. Bambi still seemed angry at me. Whatever.
I got home and changed into comfy clothes. I watched Columbiana with my mom. I'm going to bed soon. Work at 6am. With Bob. However, I'll only be alone with Bob for an hour. Joey is coming at 7. I hope I can keep calm. I just need to remember that murder is sadly illegal.