Yesterday was the day. I think my mom was more nervous than I was. We arrived a little early, and filled out paperwork. After a few minutes, I was taken to the back and had a sonogram done to see exactly how far I was and what my options were. They laid me down on a table, and put cold jelly on my stomach. After some poking around with the wand, the doctor determined I was 9 weeks and 1-2 days along. That's a lot less than I anticipated. He asked if I had questions, and then the nurses told me to use the bathroom before we got started. I prayed again in the bathroom and asked God to take this child and make them understand how much it was loved. I put my hand on my stomach and said I love you. Then I was escorted into a room and given a gown. I put it on, and was then seated in a horizontal chair-like thing. We sat there for a while, and my mom was growing more nervous by the second. I was enjoying every last moment I had. The doctor came in and everything began. They gave me gas to knock me out a bit, but I was still aware. Then it felt like every tool on the planet was being put into my vagina. It was uncomfortable, but not painful. The actual procedure itself lasted 20 seconds, and the doctor even counted with me. One nurse held the gas to my face, and the other one was holding my hand. It was more painful than I thought it would be. They sat me up in the chair and gave me tea and Tylenol after the procedure. I was out of it from the gas, and ended up throwing up a couple times. I was in recovery for about 20mins before I got dressed and ready to go. My mom had to help dress me; I couldn't even put my own bra on. I made a return appointment for next week to make sure everything went well and my body is handling it ok. I was slow and nauseous all the way home, but I made it. I put on a diaper because of the amount of bleeding. I had some food and kept it down, then rested. Sleeping last night wasn't easy, and so I decided to stay home from school today. I got a note from the doctor saying that time off is fine, so I'll be excused. I've heard of people who have done this and deeply regret it. I don't think I'm one of those people. I regret having to do it, but not doing it itself. I know it was the best choice. But it felt different and lonely waking up knowing my little thing wasn't with me. Even so, I know that my baby will always be with me and in my heart until we're reunited one day. I was completely fine until I went to write this post, now I'm getting emotional and kind of depressed. I knew this would happen. I just hoped that I would have support from the man I love.
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