Sometimes I like to think about the past and remember my mentality at certain points. I recall back only a year or two ago thinking that every guy I dated, I destroyed. They were fucked up after me. They dropped out of school, became heavy into drugs and drinking, and were all around societal failures. I thought it was me that caused that. When I reflect on it looking back now, it wasn't me at all. It was the guys I was choosing for myself. I dated guys for reasons I'm still not sure of, and thought that their failures were my doing. It wasn't me, it was who I surrounded myself with. Coming to that realization is freeing. I'm always hard on myself and think I should be better than what I am (and I think everyone is like this). But to realize that something isn't your fault after thinking for so long that it was is such a good feeling. I'm in a better place than I've ever been in my memorable life. Because of the positivity, my head is cleared of the negative fog and has shown me what life is. I've grown into myself as a person. I think I'm very different than who I was only a year ago. People close to you have the power to change you, whether good or bad. I was twisted into a person I wasn't. Passive, quiet, suppressed, and conservative. Now at times I can't shut up and I'm bubbly and happy and have a mouth on me that I'm not ashamed of. Josh brought me back into the positive light of life, and I have so much to thank him for. He'll never understand or see the person I was, because she doesn't exist anymore. I don't fuck people's lives up and I'm not a bad person. I'm not a passive little girl who takes everyone's shit. I'm proud to be who I am and I'm finally comfortable in my own skin.
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