B-I-T-C-H

I didn't want to bring down my positive post before this with a negative story, so I'll share it in a different post. My mom and I have fought a lot today. She and my brother are both sick with some kind of stomach virus. Erik is getting better, but my mom is still sick. Today was my first real day off in at least a few weeks. I slept in, but then Erik woke me up and said my mom wanted to see me. Ok. Fine. I waited a bit, then went upstairs.

She told me to vacuum the kitchen/diningroom wood floor because she wants to put a carpet down. I told her to wait till the weekend because she's sick now and shouldn't push herself (it was a genuinely concerned statement). She said she's working on Saturday. I said she can do it on Sunday. She says she has other things to do like Christmas shopping, then tells me that she shouldn't have to justify herself to me. I say ok and go to walk away (before I get even more pissed off). Then she says I should be taking on more responsibility and do more chores because I'm turning 18 in a month and I should think of the family unit instead of myself. I asked her why Erik gets to be selfish and not do anything and she says because he's 10. I told her that I did A LOT more than him when I was 10. She said to stop comparing Erik to myself, and I asked her why? Because she always compares me to her. She got pissed at me and told me to go away. So I went to go downstairs and then she began saying how I always want stuff but never give anything back. I asked for examples. She said my permit. Last time I checked, she wanted me to get a permit as well, this wasn't a solo choice. She said it costs money and that I expected her to pay. I told her that since I have a job and some saved up money, I'll pay for the classes myself. She got angry again and then said that I'm gonna need a ride home from the high school concert on Friday that I want to attend. I told her Bambi's parents may be able to give me a ride and if not, I'll take the bus home. I said that she was the one worried about me taking the bus at night, I have no problem with it. She yelled at me and told me to just do whatever I want. So I went downstairs and got back into bed.

I watched anime for the rest of the day and surfed the web. I went downstairs for some food, and decided to vacuum, as she had asked. I did it, then crawled back into bed where I belong. Then just as I was writing my previous post, she reappeared like a horrible magic trick. She said I should get my face out of laptop and find my place in the family. She said I never do anything for the family, never do anything until I'm asked, I always give excuses, and avoid chores. She said that I should stop being selfish and help other people. She said there was something wrong with me, and that I needed to stop being like this. I told her that maybe I wouldn't be like this if she would have gotten therapy for me when I asked A YEAR AND A HALF AGO. She gave me this pissed off look and said that the problem is within myself, and no one but me can fix it. (What kind of bullshit is that?) Then, she asked where I wanted to be in 5yrs, and I told her I wanted to be out of the house and away from her. She got pissed and walked off.

Frankly, I've had enough of her shit. She's always acting superior and saying hurtful things. Erik is always the golden child that does NOTHING but gets everything in return. He has a week of lunch detention. What does he get? A 3DS for Christmas, of course. He stopped doing his chores of setting and clearing the table. What happens? My parents buy him new Xbox games. I'm earning decent grades in college (my lowest a B-), and what do I get? "Good job". That's it. I do chores around the house, what do I get? Nothing but complaints about how I didn't do it right. I give my mother mani/pedis. What do I get in return? "Could you trim a little more of the dry skin?" "Could you file that a little more?" "That nail is too long, it's gonna catch on things. Trim it." "You forgot something". No appreciation. I go to work and earn my own money. I'll start paying rent if they want. I just want my mom to shut up and leave me alone. I don't care anymore. Want a mani/pedi? Go out to to the nail salon. What something vacuumed? Teach Erik how to fucking use a vacuum. It isn't hard. The dishwasher needs to be emptied? I guess you need to empty it. Someone needs to watch Erik while you go out? Hire a babysitter. What someone to listen to your boring stories about work? Get a fucking therapist. No one cares, not even my father. Whenever she goes on with these stupid stories about her boss or coworkers, we just comment or nod every once in a while and wait till it's over.

Does she ever consider that maybe I can't handle the stress? Maybe this is all too much for me? Every person has a limit. And I've reached mine. I'm not gonna deal with her bullshit. I have my own life to live. I have friends, a boyfriend, coworkers, and some new college people. I want to just go and have fun. I want to stay out late. I want to go on adventures into the city. I want to have fun parties with my friends. I want to enjoy the little bit of childhood that I have left. But apparently I can't. My wants and desires come last. She expects me to be perfect and juggle the fucking world while still being happy. In the final argument of the day, she said I should stop being so ignorant of the stuff happening around me. When I told her that ignorance is bliss, she got mad and asked why I would want to be ignorant and stupid. I said I would rather be stupid and happy than smart and sad.