Grand Entrance and Quick Exit

The saying goes that if one door closes, another one is opened in its place. We adopted a tiny 6 week old calico who I named Muffin. She's so small and delicate. We brought her home and started the tricky process of introducing her to my big German Shepard, Scout. It took some time but they got used to each other. They even got comfortable enough to sleep within a foot of each other. In the middle of the day today, my mom noticed Scout's stomach was a little distended. She hadn't been eating much the last few days so she told my dad to take her to the vet hospital to see what was up. We all expected some strange diagnosis and for her to return with some new medication she'd be finicky about taking. I didn't pet her goodbye or even acknowledge her leaving. I knew she'd be back, just like every time prior. However, my dad called maybe 20mins later and told my mom the news. Scout had had an aggressive cancer in her spleen that the vet hadn't picked up on during her previous visits this year. Her spleen inflamed and swelled and eventually burst. This caused her abdomen to swell with blood. We had two options. She could have surgery then face chemo and radiation to buy her 2-3 more months. Or she could be put down. Any life is about quality vs quantity. No living thing should be put through hell and painful treatments just to live a few more months in pain. My dad decided to put her down. I wanted to go and say goodbye, but I wouldn't have made it in time. My mom and I both cried and hugged. My brother had a friend over so we didn't tell him until much later. Our entire family is devastated. We had her from the age of 3 months. She was just a little fluff ball when we got her 9 1/2yrs ago. She's been through a lot with our family and I feel such a deep pain in my heart. Loss is something I have never dealt with well. I get thrown into a deep depression and I become very introverted. I'm on medication to help with my emotional state and management but this is going to throw me for a loop. I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Friday, so I'm lucky I have an appt soon. I have Josh by my side talking me through everything and trying to console me. If it weren't for him and Muffin, I don't know what I would do. I honestly would most likely turn to cutting again. Scout and Muffin only knew each other for 12hrs, but I believe that that was enough time for Scout to realize she was approaching the end of her road. She approved of Muffin and made that clear. We have converted Scout's old blanket/bed area into a 'kitty pavilion'. I think it's what Scout would have wanted. She passed the torch to the newbie of the house. Muffin is already being an energetic fluff ball, just like Scout was up until the end. It's so hard to accept another loss in my life, especially one so sudden and unexpected. I really hope I don't become self destructive again. I don't think Josh could handle seeing me like how I was. I miss you Scout, and I love you so much.