Pursue Better

My anxiety has been getting worse as the semester progressing. I'm studying and working as hard as possible, and my grades aren't reflecting it. I've been lying to my parents about my grades. My dad is disappointed when I say I got an 85 on an exam, meanwhile my highest grade has been a 76. I'm averaging around a D right now. The more I think about it, the more panicked I get. I'm technically passing the class, but I need a C. I need it in order to continue along the nursing path I've dreamed of. If I don't make the C, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm trying not to think about it, but it's hard not to think about something you study often. Even right now my anxiety is around a 7/10. I have so many things in my life to be happy about, but I feel like I can't really sit back and enjoy it because I'm failing. I'm working hard and losing sleep and stressing myself out for absolutely nothing. I feel like a lost cause. I've had a few dreams that take place years in the future where Josh is the main bread winner. He has a real job with his graduate degree, while I'm working a low paying bullshit job with my useless college education. The thoughts haunt me. I never want to be seen as someone who is relying on someone else to take care of them. I've always pitied those women who let the man do the work while they do next to nothing. I want to be in a partnership, not a leeching relationship. I want to be someone who does something. If I don't make this work, I've wasted so much of my parent's money. I refuse to be a failure, but it seems like no matter how hard I try, I'm just not making it.