I don't like writing anymore. Finding motivation is so difficult. I used to love writing and letting my feelings out, but now I'm almost afraid. Why? I have nothing to fear.
After thinking for a while, I decided to message Leo. We talked for a bit but something isn't right between us. He doesn't seem truely happy or satisfied that I messaged him. All I want to do is help him. He said maybe I wanted to talk to him to help myself. I don't think so. I can deal with things on my own. I need no one.
Bambi and I have been on and off with the fighting. One minute we're fighting in a train station, next minute we're saying how much we love each other. He and I have been going out for almost a year and a half at this point. This is a serious relationship. But I love Bambi. I love him with all my heart and soul. For Christmas I'm writing him a list of 365 things I love about him. I have around 70 so far, but I've been busy with work and school. I also want to get him some small things. A plushie organ (spleen pwent to), some Old Spice aftershave, and other things. Nothing too expensive, just a lot of little things that make me think of him. Although we fight, he makes me happy. I want to always be around him. I don't know what I would do if I lost him.
He and I went to a Halloween parade in the West Village. He didn't want to come but I begged and he came. We got greasy burgers, cheese fries, and onion rings. It was delicious. Then we headed into the city and drank. We watched the parade and drank Fireball Whiskey. We couldn't stop smiling and laughing. It wasn't because we were drunk. We were happy together. We went out and made a rainy parade into a fun adventure. That burger place is our fav eatery in the area by my school now. It's so good. We ate there the other day then went to the NY Transit Museum. I just wanted to take pictures, but it was fun. We sat in the old train cars and looked at the old advertisements. We laughed and smiled and had fun together. It's memories like those that remind me why I love him. They remind me who I want to be with until the end of time.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Him and Him
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