Snap

It's important for me to get this down on paper before I lose my mind. I am shaking and crying in anger and frustration. Everyone has been getting on my nerves lately. Tonight Bambi and I were talking and planning for him to come over tomorrow and hang out. I told him I had just made a SnapChat and he got angry. I questioned it, and he's just a possessive moron. He doesn't like me sending pictures to other people. The only people I have as friends are Kristen (a close childhood friend), Jacob (a close friend), Antonio (Bambi's own brother), and Kyle (my best friend for over a fucking decade). He says I downloaded it because I wanted to be cool for everyone and I didn't care about his opinion. It gets me so mad when he brings that up. I have this mentality where I need to be perfect for everyone. I want to make everyone happy. I told him this a couple months ago, and ever since then he brings it up whenever we fight. It 's so fucked up. I wanted his help and support with it, not his bashings and mean words. I downloaded the App for me. I was curious about it and wanted to see if it was any fun. It is, and I'm gonna keep my account. I told Bambi just not to come tomorrow. I don't want him in my house bringing his negative energy into my peaceful space. This is Thanksgiving break, and it isn't a time for his bullshit.
When I get mad like this, I don't know what to do. I have anger issues. People don't see it because I bottle it up inside. But when I explode in private, it's bad. I want to scream and punch someone right now. I want to take my anger out on something. My laptop keeping autocorrecting me and I want to throw it on the floor. I feel so violent, and like I can really hurt someone. I really do want to hurt someone. I don't know how to deal with my anger. I don't know what to do. Normally I would cut and cry and get over it, but I've stopped that. I guess for now I'll finish this post then take a long shower. I'll sing some songs and cry and get it through my system. That's what I'll do. I'll just cry till something changes. I'll cry behind closed doors so no one else sees how fucking weak I am. I'm a loose cannon but I can't let anyone see that. I'm calm, cool, and collected. I have to be. That is what is expected of me.