ER

Depression is such a strange monster. One minute you'll be fine, and the world is amazing. The next minute, you want to kill yourself. Every psychology book or website on the planet says to identify the source of the depression and eliminate it. Once you find your triggers, you can try to avoid them. However, with my case, I feel like I don't have any specific triggers. I feel like my only real trigger is stress, but that's much too broad to eliminate. I can't stop school, work, relationships, and family life. That would leave me with nothing but the internet and eating as my activities. Honestly, it doesn't sound like a bad plan. All I really want from life is happiness. I want the man I love to be around me all the time, 24/7. I want to be in his arms, and laughing by his side for the rest of my life. When I have too much time on my hands, I start to think. When I think, I freak myself out. It's aggravating. Essentially, I set off my own stress, thus leading to depression. The busier I am, the less I think.
Today, my mom went to the ER. She was in an incredible amount of pain. She had been bd for a couple days, but today was the worst by far. Even having a single ice cube sent her into pain and vomiting. My dad drove home from work just to take her to the hospital. While waiting, I had to watch her throw up and mumble and be vulnerable like a child. She could barely talk to me and communicate. She was discharged about 8hrs later with a diagnosis of a severe kidney infection. She's on 4 different medications now, and still isn't doing completely better. She's going to be out of work until next week to give herself time to recuperate. While doing tests and scans, they found her gallbladder to be rather enlarged. The doctors were really concerned about this since her father died from pancreatic-liver cancer. They told her to do a followup with a gastroenterologist to check it out more and see if there's anything major going on (meaning cancer). Stress never seems to stop in my life. As long as the stress keeps persisting, the depression will as well. Lord help me.