Feel the Blade

Today I worked the closing shift 12-4. Easy. I took the bus home and listened to music. I've really been listening to a lot of music lately. I was looking forward to my xbox time with Bambi.
I just got on Xbox maybe 45mins ago. I played a few rounds of Infinity Slayer (my kinda secret obsession) and talked to Bambi. Or at least tried. He was quiet and seemed distant. His mic is kinda fucked up so it would cut out sometimes or he wouldn't hear me. It got me frustrated. Angry. I cursed at Bambi and got annoyed. I didn't even want to speak to him anymore. I was giving him short answers with an attitude and cursing. He didn't appreciate it. He got mad at me then left the chat. I decided to just sign off. I don't care. He doesn't want to speak to me anyway. We were going to meet up tomorrow at the mall but I really just dont want to see him. For some reason, I'm really mad. Furious even.
It's times like these where I see my anger issues come to light. The smallest things can set me off and fill me with unexplainable rage. When I'm angery like this, I usually cut to release the anger. I haven't cut in a few months. I can still see the scars but they're faint. They healed well. I promised that I wouldn't cut again. You can never really understand why people cut until you do it yourself. The release of emotion I feel goes beyond words. However, it's like a drug. You begin to like the pain and enjoy it more and more. I caught myself before it got too bad. Bambi wasn't as lucky. His cutting problem is worse than mine. He hasn't done it in a few months either. I'm proud of him. But, there is part of me that wants to cut again. Just to take out my knife, and feel the blade against my skin. I'm sick. I'm beginning to seriously think about seeing someone for my emotional and mental problems.