Fix Me

So last night after I posted here, I just hung out around my house bored as usual. Around 8:30pm, my home phone rings and my mom picks it up. She says it's for me. It's someone named Leo. My heart dropped when she said it was Leo. Why was he calling my house? Does he understand what he has just done? So he and I spoke on the phone for maybe 15mins, then he assumed something was wrong and said goodbye. My mother wouldn't let me leave her sight while I was on the phone. She was listening in on our conversation. She only heard what I was saying to him, but I made sure that anything I was saying was very neutral and didn't give away much information (I mostly just said things like "yes" "no" "I guess" "kinda"). I hung up the phone and my mother didn't waste a second. She began questioning me and giving me harsh looks. I didn't want to tell her who it was. Leo isn't his real name, it's a pseudonym I use for him on here and if he and I talk in public so no one will know who he is. My mother became angry at me, and even hostile. I told her who it was. It all went downhill from there. She accused me of cheating and being dishonest. She came as close as she could to calling me a whore without actually saying it. I gave her an attitude to piss her off. I didn't want her opinion or thoughts on the matter. I didn't care, and I made that perfectly clear to her. She babbled and ranted for a while. Once she was done, I said nothing.
I went and took a hot shower. I thought of Leo and why he would call my house. It was so uncalled for, and crossed a line. He knows my phone is broken, I explained it to him in a quick email I sent a few days ago. There was no need to call me. He knows how uptight my mom can be, and he only made my situation so much worse.She thinks I'm a slut. It hurt me to think that my mother actually suspects me of cheating. I'm not cheating. I promise I'm not. I care for Leo with all my heart, but not in a romantic way. Not anymore. I just showered and tried to forget about it. I thought about Bambi and how I want to talk to him. After I showered, I curled up in bed with my DS and played Animal Crossing (one of my favorite games). I played for about 2hrs till my family went to bed.
I got out of bed around 11 and went downstairs to play Xbox. Bambi was on. I was happy. He could tell when we were talking that I was a bit sad. He inquired why and I told him I had fought with my mother. It's nothing new, so he didn't pry into the subject. I played Halo, and he played Sonic. We talked and laughed. He always makes me feel better. We kept playing till around 4am, then we signed off. I went to bed and passed out. I woke up this morning around 11 and used my desktop computer to write Leo an email. I told him to go fuck himself. Was that a little too harsh? I don't know. Maybe. Is now the time to seperate from him? He wanted to split up in the first place, so I would only be revisting his plan.
I'll see how the day(s) progress. Maybe he'll write me an email soon. I want to see his side of this. I want to leave him, yet I want to stay and fix him. He's so fucked up and broken. But so am I. Maybe I need to focus on myself before I try to fix him. Ever heard of the song Fix You by Coldplay? It makes me cry every time. I think of how broken I am. Where are the lights that will guide me home? The only thing I have left to live for is Bambi. Maybe he will be the person to fix me. Leo lost someone he can't replace. He lost M, and now can't find anyone else to love. I'm the only person who is willing to love him back. He doesn't love me for me, he loves me because I can reciprocate love. He says I am like his girlfriend sometimes, but I don't see it like that. I feel like his mother. The loving mother that he also does not have. Sometimes we need to teach lessons through tough love. I need to let Leo go. I've done all I can for him at this point.
Bambi just called my house phone. We only talked for 10mins, but he still made me smile. I love him. I truly do love him. One day, he will guide me home. He will make me whole again. I am certain.