(Happy?) New Year's

It's New Years. It's officially 2014. I told myself I would make the decision about Leo here and now. I decided to do it. I pasted the message into his Facebook chat. I couldn't hit send. My heart was racing and I kept thinking about the outcomes. I don't want this message to open communication between us. I don't want to send the wrong message. This is about Adri and nothing else. I also know that if I send this message and get caught, I'll be in deep shit with Bambi. He, and everyone else, wants me to stay away from him. I get it. It isn't a good idea. But I keep thinking about what we used to be. Leo and I used to talk every day and share our opinions and experiences. I told him numerous times before that I don't like who I am. I can be cold and cut off emotion sometimes. I eventually did that to him. Now he sees how horrible of a person I can be. I hate myself for doing it, but I know why I had to do it. I had a purpose and a reason. No matter how much I try to convince myself I was right, part of me still doesn't believe it. I'm going to hold off on the message for now. I'll keep thinking about it, and maybe ask Kevin for his opinion on it tomorrow at work. This past year has been such a crazy up and down for me. 2014, please be nicer to me. Please.